Shoppin' Silly, the Amazon Way! #3

We all know that websites, especially sellers, use algorithms to analyze our transactions.  They then tailor “suggestions” targeted to our presumed buying practices.

But sometimes those algorithms produce silly results!

A fine item, this universal remote.  What has it to do with vacuum-cleaner bags?  Why, to turn up the volume because the vacuum cleaner is on!

 I suppose having bought a carpet cleaner, I might wish something to dirty the carpet with?

Similarly, the relation between Keurig-style single-serve coffee pods and carpet deodorizer might be conjectured as reverse cause and effect?  You tell me, effendi!

Anyway, see you on Monday for something perhaps more substantial.
 

Tomorrow’s Tech … Today!

Tomorrow’s Tech … Today!

Many futuristic inventions have come to pass, while some may never be realized.

WEATHER CONTROL

            In Star Trek’s “The Devil in the Dark,” Dr McCoy jokes that he’s beginning to think he can cure a rainy day. Weather control is often a feature of pie-in-the-sky techno-futures.  Superman’s Silver Age bottle city, Kandor, even had a mini-sun on a sort of roller-coaster track. 


Of course, some may call it cheating if you’ve got a closed environment, such as Ray Bradbury’s domed cities on Venus, or those featured in Logan’s Run.

            You could call terraforming a type of large-scale Weather Control, as discussed in Dune or as delivered with a bang by Star Trek’s Genesis Project.

            In the 1900s, a German chocolatier, Theodor Hildebrand & Son, produced a series of views of the Year 2000, including a Weather Control Machine:

The classic low-tech example is cloud seeding, originating in the 1940s.  Besides instigating rainfall in dry areas, it’s also been used preemptively, for hail and fog suppression near airports.  Did you know that rockets were used for Cloud Seeding before the 2008 Beijing Olympics, in an attempt to prevent rain over the Opening Ceremonies?

            Many conspiratorial types see attempts at Weather Control around us today.  Some warned that the HAARP project in Alaska was also a secret government program to zap the US’s enemies with bad weather vibes.  Similarly, the contrails of high-flying jets are sometimes seen as weather or other climate-control attempts.

            Here’s hoping that in real life, a little humility and awareness of the doctrine of unforeseen consequences will prevent an artificially generated weather apocalypse.  We’re still a long way from Cloudy With a Chance of Meatballs’ “Diatonic Super Mutating Dynamic Food Replicator.”  Anyway, what if a colony of vegetarians lives downstream?

********************************

INVISIBILITY

            Becoming see-through on demand was a property of the Cap of Invisibility, used in various Greek tales of Hermes, Athena, and Perseus.  The concept is also featured in the Dragon Quest RPG and Percy Jackson and the Olympians, after being earlier popularized as the Tarnhelm, in Wagner’s nineteenth-century operas about the morals of power, Der Ring des Nibelungen.

          Other invisi-gadgets abound.  Harry Potter’s got a cloak that blots you out completely, while Elven-cloaks in LOTR are great camouflage if you hide under one.  As of 2012, the technology was under construction.

          And while the One Ring may hide you from mortals, it unveils you to supernatural nasties that are far worse.  Tolkien probably drew this aspect of Sauron’s Ring from such artifacts of myth as Plato’s Ring of Gyges, which was used as the basis for an argument over how an otherwise  moral person might act if they knew nobody could catch them being naughty.

          In HG Wells’s 1897 The Invisible Man, and the TV or movies based on it, the usual emphasis is likewise on the concept of this secretive power leading to moral corruption. 

          However, there are plenty of other invisible folks who get along just fine being able to sneak into locker rooms — such as Sue (Storm) Richards, Violet Parr of The Incredibles, or Danny Phantom.

           The “cloaking devices” of Star Trek and other fiction usually mean non-detectability to sensors and the like, not outright vanishing.  Modern-day research into the idea has resulted in various assemblies of lenses to bend vision around a stationary object.  We are probably far from the day when you can spill “invisible ink” over something and make it fade away! 

See you on Thursday with some more silly Amazon suggestions!
  

Shoppin' Silly, the Amazon Way! #2

We all know that websites, especially sellers, use algorithms to analyze our transactions.  They then tailor “suggestions” targeted to our presumed buying practices.

But sometimes those algorithms produce silly results!

Sure, Brahms is a “star”—one of the “Three Bs” of music.  But I bet this was really suggested because Flint, the near-immortal recluse in Star Trek: The Original Series’ “Requiem for Methuselah,” was actually Johannes Brahms (and lots of other famous people) during his lifetime!

Or am I presuming too much sneakiness on Amazon’s behalf?

Has watching 2001: A Space Odyssey driven anyone to drink?

What does a pirate hat have to do with Urban Legends?

See you on Monday for more glory and madness!
  

Paul Still Isn't Dead! (or so they say)

LIFE magazine decided to investigate the "Paul is dead" controversy, and reported on their findings in their November 7, 1969 issue.

Could it REALLY have been 50 freakin' years since then?  And a salute to the now-defunct Madison Junior High School, Bartlesville, OK, for subscribing to the mag, and then letting us students having the out-of-date issues!

Good ol' Mrs Rush, the librarian at Madison!

See you Thursday.
 

Shoppin' Silly, the Amazon Way! #1

We all know that websites, especially sellers, use algorithms to analyze our transactions.  They then tailor "suggestions" targeted to our presumed buying practices.

But sometimes those algorithms produce silly results!

Note that I'm suggested to buy this "Security Box" because I bought the Get Smart TV series.  Would liking spy spoofs make me more security-conscious?

Get Smart is likewise the inspiration for vacuum-cleaner bags.  Huh?  Maybe I need to clean up the Cone of Silence? 

Now, this suggestion I can sort of understand.  Yes, I confessed to Amazon that I own a copy of the movie The Sound of Music.  NO WONDER they think I need a drink!  Maybe the "bitters" would cut the saccharine storyline? 

Anyway, that's it for this shopping session.  See you on Monday for something more edifying -- I hope!

Shoppin' in the '70s

One of the fun things you can find when working at thrift store (or shopping at them) is paper ephemera.  Things that weren't meant to be saved -- which is what makes them fascinating decades later.

 I can't assign a hard date.  I can tell you that the "Equal Credit Opportunity Act" was enacted in 1974.

I don't think that this application would work nowadays.  Don't try it.

See you on Thursday with some silly shopping suggestions.
 

Happy Birthday to Will Rogers and the Great State of Oklahoma!

Believe it or not, I found FOUR copies of this EP for sale at the same time, at a local thrift store.  I cherry-picked the best audio and the best-preserved visuals to scan.

Among the participants in this 1957 celebration of all things Okie is (read the fine print) OKC’s own beloved John Ferguson, aka CountGregore.  (And, yes, I gave John a copy of the CD produced from these files.)

The Ballad of Oklahoma!

Well, that’s all for this month.  See you here on Monday, December 2^nd!

The Newlydead Game!

The Newlydead Game!

(August 16, 1979)

Announcer:

… with the star of our show, Bob Eyebank!

Eyebank:

Thank you, Arnie the Announcer! and welcome to our show!  As you know, on our show we feature four couples, all of whom have been dead for two years or less.  They answer questions as they think their spouses will answer.  It’s a lot of fun, and we always have a surprise or two!  So – let’s meet our newlydead couples for this evening!

Announcer:

Couple Number One, dead just five short weeks, Ferd and Aphasia Roselawn!

Eyebank:

Welcome, Ferd and Aphasia.  Tell us a little something about yourselves.

Ferd:

Mmmf, ggrugh lhmm shgrptl …

Aphasia (cutting in):

Sorry, Bob, but since Ferd died under a steamroller, he won’t be talking much tonight.  You see, we died on a construction site; we got carried away in the backseat, and didn’t realize that it was morning.  The construction crew had arrived and started work.  We heard the rumble of the steamroller.  I was able to get out of the car and run for it, but Ferd’s pants were around his ankels and he couldn’t run fast enough.  He got partway across the parking lot, and …

Ferd:

Rlll  krshh  expp  nnss …

Aphasia (cutting in to translate):

It was a real crushing experience, Bob!

Eyebank:

But you, Aphasia?  You don’t appear too flattened by the experience.

Aphasia:

Well, Bob, I made it out of the car, but fell into the pit where the foundation was going to go.

Eyebank:

So, things sort of crept up on you …

Aphasia:

That’s right, Bob.  When we woke up, we were dead.

Announcer:

Couple Number Two, dead three months:  Dwayne and Imogene Fitzwallace!

Eyebank:

Hi, Dwayne and Imogene!  How are you?

Dwayne & Imogene:

Fine, Bob, just fine.

Eyebank:

And just how did you two buy it?

Dwayne:

You see, Bob, we were eloping to Miami and had booked a flight on a 727.  We snuck into the restroom together …

Imogene (blushing):

… to kind of start our honeymoon a little early, you see.

Dwayne (shrugs):

But when the plane crashed, well …

Eyebank:

Down the tubes, huh?

Imogene:

That’s right, Bob.

Announcer:

Couple Number Three, planted only last week, Ralph and Delia King!

Eyebank:

Hi, there.  Hey – you two look familiar.

Delia:
Could be, Bob.  Ralph here is the nephew of Senator Sam Ervin, and I was once Miss Black America.

Eyebank:

I see.  Welcome, your highness!  What happened to you two lovely young people?

Ralph:

Well, Bob, we went backpacking two years ago in the Rockies.  Atop one of the taller peaks, a blizzard came up.  We made our way down to an old miner’s cabin, but we were snowed in and never got out.

Eyebank:

A pair of corpsicles, eh?  Wait a minute, let me figure this out.  This happened two years ago, you say?   But Arnie here just said you were buried last week.  How could this be?

Delia:

Well, Bob, it was a really hard winter.  Our tracks were all blown away, and nobody knew exactly where we’d been hiking.

Eyebank:

So, you were discovered sort of by accident?

Ralph:

That’s right, Bob.

Eyebank:

I guess you could say that that storm really put your marriage ON ICE!

Announcer:

Couple Number Four, dead a year and two days now, Billy Don Baker and Cecelia Lewis!

Eyebank:

OK, kids, clue me in.  Were you married or not?  I ask because of the different last names.

Billy Don:

Not yet married, Bob.  But almost.  We were engaged …

Cecelia:

Thass right.

Eyebank:

So, were you in a building that burned down?  I see your clothes are scorched …

Billy Don:

It was like this, Bob.  Cecelia had actually told me that she wanted to break off our engagement.

Audience:

Aww ….

Billy Don (continuing):

So I got mad and went off to the Magic Rabbit Bar’n’Grill and just got totally plastered.  By midnight I was so demolished that I had to close my eyes to walk straight!

Cecelia:

We come from a small town, Bob.  On this same night, I decided to go for a walk and think things over.  So it was just a kinda funny coincidence that I ended up walking downtown, in the neighborhood of the Magic Rabbit.  Anyway, I was walking down the sidewalk …

Billy Don:

And here I come out the back door, drunker than Billy Carter.  I was mad and I wanted a woman.  I stopped to light a cigarette, and then I saw one!

Cecelia:

It was me, walking past the alley …

Billy Don:

… But I didn’t know who it was, and I pretty much didn’t care.  So I grabbed her and tore her blouse off –

 Cecelia:

– And I grabbed the mace out of my purse and squirted him in the face with it.

Eyebank:

I can see where this is going.  When the mace that you sprayed, hit the end of his lit cigarette …

Billy Don (nodding):

That’s right, Bob.  We were totally, like, blown away.

Eyebank:

Like the song says, “Come on baby, light my fire!”

Cecelia:

That’s right, Bob.

Eyebank:

Boy, I bet you were really hot under the collar, huh Billy Don? (Beat.)  But, enough of this chit-chat.  It’s time to play … THE NEWLYDEAD GAME!

*********

Well, folks, that's the end of THIS year's BLOG-O-WEEN!  Thanks for stopping by!  See you again on Monday, November 4th, for an Oklahoma special celebration!

  

Color Herman Munster

"Have a seat," Herman says.  "I'll get the zip-ties."

Come back on Thursday, Halloween, for the final post of this year's BLOG-O-WEEN!

 

Night in Funland and Other Stories

Scary Books, Kiddies!

 

Night in Funland and Other Stories from Literary Cavalcade.  Edited by Jerome Brondfield, 1968, Scholastic Book Services.  Cover: Margaret Howlett

      A lot of Boomers can thank TAB (the Teen-Age Book Club) and Scholastic Publishers for a lot of literary insight and exposure, along with some frights.  This anthology includes such classics as

·         “4 O’Clock,” by Price Day, which became a 1962 Twilight Zone episode;

·         “The Vertical Ladder,” by William Sansom, depicting with dreadful reality the inner thoughts of someone dared to do a stupid thing;

·         Keyes’s “Flowers for Algernon”;

·         Shirley Jackson’s brilliant “One Ordinary Day, with Peanuts”;

·         and the stupefying “Contents of the Dead Man’s Pockets,” by Jack Finney—an absolute must-read for anybody consumed with work or deadlines

      Still, I must mock the back-cover blurb.  EVERYTHING is better with italics and an exclamation point, I guess.  By this standard, Winnie-the-Pooh might be summarized as:  A child’s stuffed animal comes to life in his imagination ... and leads an uncanny existence with imaginary companions of its own!

See you on Monday for the final week of Blog-o-Ween!

  

A Hundred Munsters

Yes, there were really that many pages in the Whitman Munster coloring book.

Here are pages 98-99-100.  And still a dozen or so pages to go!

But not this year.  Gotta keep you hangin'!

See you back here on Friday for more post-adolescent reminicences.
 

Is Candy from 1958 Stale Yet?

From my copy of Action Comics #247, cover-dated December 1958:

Of course, nowadays we have Tootsie Rolls and the Tootsie Roll Pop, but no blocks of Tootsie Roll Fudge.  Waaah!  Me want some!

See you on Wednesday for more Munster-iffic fun!
 

It's the End of the Topp

Here's the last of the Topps bubble-gum Monster Cards.  Yeah, there's more of them, but it's all I have, anyway.

Well, that's it until Monday.  See you then, and hold your Fiends close and your Enemas closer!

  

Hodgson: The Boats of the “Glen Carrig”

Scary Books, Kiddies!

The Boats of the “Glen Carrig.”  William Hope Hodgson, 1907.  Ballantine, 1971.  ORIGINAL BUT MISSING cover art by Robert LoGrippo

           I bought this paperback around 1980.  It was only a dime, because it had no cover.  And I read it.  But I’ll be shot if I remember anything other than being staggered by its depiction of a kind of cosmic horror familiar to me through my acquaintance with the works of HP Lovecraft.



            And being the silly completist sort that I am, I took an oversized file card and made my own front cover.

 Here’s the back cover with a continuation of the  actual front cover image.

Evidently the thing was printed in a 1945 pulp mag.  A youngster named Lin Carter read it, and later, as book editor for Ballantine, issued it forth as part of the “Adult Fantasy” series.

            By the way, this is the complete cover. 

            And being a glutton for mockery, I’ll give you a close-up of my attempt to emulate Ballantine’s “Adult Fantasy” unicorn insignia.



See you next time!

 

Marilyn's Drippy Date

More Munster pages.

Of course, the caption on Grandpa's picture should say, "Beaten," not "Beat."

See you on Wednesday!

Fredric Brown – Nightmares and Geezenstacks

Scary Books, Kiddies!

 

Nightmares and Geezenstacks, by Fredric Brown, 1961.  Bantam, 1979.  

      This fine little tome (182 pages) is given no cover credit by Bantam.  The red bats are likely simple clip-art-types dropped into the image. 

The red creature laying across the top of the egg is obviously a harpy.  I know I’ve seen this particular image, but I can’t find it!

She’s a harpy of the old kind, as shown above.

      The “egg guy” is a detail from The Last Judgment, an astounding triptych by Hieronymus Bosch, from sometime around 1482.

      Wow, huh?

      Now you see him!  As for the wonderful text inside the covers ...

      Brown’s stories are a great mixture of humor and sardonic wit.  Here are a few story cycles

·         the “Nightmares” in various colors, each beginning with a guy waking up;

·         the “Great Lost Discoveries” tales;

·         experiments in time travel with “The Short Happy Lives of Eustace Weaver” (one through three);

·         and tons more brief knockouts.

See you next time!