Monday, January 24, 2022

Maybe These Folks Gave Up on New Comics, Too

This is from the January 1, 1993 Oklahoman.

It took a few decades, but several years ago I gave up on new comics. I was a DC fan, and I was tired of being jerker around by reboots and gigantic crossover events. Give me the silly Silver Age, when there were only a dozen or so Earths!

I wonder if any of these youngsters are still reading "new" comics?  What about you?

Thursday, January 20, 2022

Is It a Silly Place?

Camelot 3000 was DC's first maxiseries. I bought its original run. Written by Mike Barr and drawn by Brian Bolland, IT WAS EPIC!

This preview ran in Amazing Heroes #14, its August 1982 issue.

Man, those aliens always made me think of big bugs.  And if you think that ol' Merlin was a bit of an SOB, you ain't alone.  Yet as a hopeless Anglophile, I was suckered in.

Compare it, if you wish to a segment from Twilight Zone '85 called "The Last Defender of Camelot," based on a Zelazny tale.

See you Monday!

Monday, January 17, 2022

The New Yorker Surveys Tolkien Fever

This is from the January 15, 1966 issue of The New Yorker

Fifty-six years ago, they were on the pulse of fantastical delights.  You are free to argue that, having published Thurber and Addams, they were already there!  See you Thursday.

Thursday, January 13, 2022

Tales of the Hollow Earth!

This is the text of an article from the zine Bizarrism, issue 6. I also inserted the illos from the article into the text.

Tales of the Hollow Earth
by Chris Mikul
from Bizarrism #6

I’m all for commonsense - in certain situations, but I’ve always got time for a bit of wild, uninformed speculation. And what better to speculate wildly about, from the comfort of your armchair, than the vast, unexplored interior of our own planet? Sure, boring scientists tell us that the earth is solid, that there’s nothing down there but rock and a lot of rather frightening red-hot magma, but then, to borrow the immortal words of Mandy Rice-Davies, “They would, wouldn’t they?”

Such was not always the case. Cosmological theories involving a hollow earth were part of orthodox science until the late 18th century. In 1692 British astronomer Edmund Halley - he of comet fame - in an attempt to explain variations in the measurements of the North Magnetic Pole, proposed a world made up of four concentric spheres, one inside the other, each separated by an atmosphere, and all turning about a common axis but at slightly different speeds. In a speculative mood, Halley went on to wonder whether each of these spheres might support life, just as the outer sphere supports us. For Halley, as for many of the early hollow earthers, one of the reasons for such speculation was a simple one if somewhat puzzling to us today - economy. God, they reasoned, would surely not waste the vast interior of a planet by filling it up with rock. (This reminds me of the doddering old Christian Brother I once had as a history teacher, who solemnly told us that the pyramids were so big the Egyptians would not have wasted them on just one pharaoh each.)

Advances in physics and geology soon made theories like Halley’s untenable. That left the business of promoting a hollow earth to enthusiastic amateurs, the first and most enthusiastic of them all being an American named John Cleves Symmes. An ex-soldier and frontier trader, Symmes retained Halley’s concentric spheres separated by an ‘aerial elastic fluid’ but added his own idea of twin openings at the poles (the one at the north pole being 4,000 miles in diameter). These holes were joined so that the earth was in effect shaped like a doughnut, and it was possible to sail into the openings and reach the inner world.

In 1818 Symmes distributed a circular throughout America outlining his ideas and requesting funds to mount an expedition - to be led by him - into the northern opening. Undeterred by the ridicule with which this was generally met, the single-minded Symmes spent the next few years lecturing and hectoring, picking up some prominent supporters along the way (no less than nine petitions advocating Symmes’s expedition were debated by Congress). After his death his work was carried on by his son, Americus, who was big on the idea that the interior world was inhabited by the Lost Tribes of Israel.

Other hollow earthers followed in Symmes’s wake. One of the more indefatigable was Marshall Gardner, a sewing machine manufacturer whose masterpiece, A Journey to the Earth’s Interior; or, Have the Poles Really Been Reached? appeared in 1913. Gardner kept Symmes polar openings but jettisoned the system of concentric spheres, believing instead in the earth as a hollow bubble equipped with an interior sun. Gardner, in Jules Verne mode, wrote vividly of an internal world bursting with lush vegetation and roamed by animals such as mastodons which were thought to be extinct. As with many of the early hollow earthers, one of Gardner’s main themes was that here was a vast amount of land ripe for colonisation by the United States.

    Gardner lived long enough to see both north and south poles reached - in 1911 and 1913 respectively - but went to his grave believing that instead of reaching the poles (which of course he did not believe in), the explorers had simply wandered aimlessly around the rims of his vaunted polar openings.

            Meanwhile the theory of a hollow earth had been given a novel twist by the social visionary Dr Cyrus Teed. He too postulated a hollow earth warmed by a central sun, but then went on to suggest that we are actually living inside such a globe. This is what is known in Hollywood as a ‘high concept’.

Teed, who was born in 1839, was a doctor of what would now be called alternative medicine and a dabbler in ‘electro-alchemy’. One night he was sitting in his alchemical laboratory in New York, pondering the mysteries of the universe, when he had a strange and erotic vision. A beautiful, golden- haired, purple-robed woman appeared who told him he had been reincarnated many times - once as Jesus Christ - and revealed to him the secrets of the cosmos. Teed (as Vernon Howell of the Branch Davidians would do many years later) adopted the name of Koresh (Hebrew for Cyrus), and began preaching his revelation to his patients, most of whom thought him unhinged. Undaunted, he moved to Chicago and during the 1880s acquired a large number of - mostly female - followers, attracted by the man’s magnetic personality.

There was a lot more to Teed’s ideas than an eccentric cosmology. Like many 19th century idealists he dreamed of setting up a utopian community, a New Jerusalem, the capital of the world. His opportunity came in 1890 when a German settler In Florida was persuaded to sign over 320 acres on Estero Bay to the Koreshans. Teed moved about a hundred of his followers there and set up the Koreshan Co-operative and Communistic Society, run, as its name suggests, on communist lines. Alcohol and tobacco were forbidden and celibacy was recommended for the community’s upper echelons. Women occupied an exalted position in Koreshanity. The community was ruled by Teed, his longtime companion Anna Ordway, whom he had renamed Victoria Gratia, and a council of seven women representing the seven planets. (The fact that the majority of Teed’s followers were women led, not surprisingly, to allegations of sexual impropriety on his part, but for once these seem to have been unfounded). Teed’s community prospered, with its population reaching 200 by the turn of the century.

According to Teed’s cosmology, the sun, moon, stars, indeed everything we can see is inside the earth and outside there is - nothing. It was all quite literally a return to the womb - that of the earth goddess, the beautiful girl of his vision. Teed nevertheless continued to think of himself as a scientist, and cast about for some proofs. To this end, a device called the Rectilineator was constructed out of large T-squares, and over several months in 1897 experiments were carried out with it which proved that the earth was indeed, as Teed’s theory required, concave. A large sign above the entrance to the Koreshan community proudly proclaimed “WE LIVE ON THE INSIDE”.

Teed’s mistake was to go into politics. Growing dissatisfied with the Democrats, for whom he had previously instructed his followers to vote, he formed the Progressive Liberty Party, which began to look like it might do well in the 1904 election. The tensions this caused led to a public brawl between Koreshans and some locals, during which Teed was beaten about the head. He never fully recovered from his injuries and died three years later. His followers, expecting his body to undergo ‘Theocrisis’ (i.e. disappear in a flash of electro- alchemical light), laid it in state and watched, only to see it decompose. Eventually the health authorities forced them to bury it, and the community Teed had founded went into a slow decline.

While soon forgotten in America, Teed’s ideas had a second lease of life in Germany when several issues of a Koreshan magazine fell into the hands of an ex-WWI pilot, Peter Bender, who was so taken with them he came to believe he too was a reincarnation of Koresh. He began to promote the ‘Hollow Earth Doctrine’ or ‘Hohlweltlehre’ vigorously, aided by the fact that he was friends with several high-level Nazis including Herman Goering. In 1933 an engineer named Mengering, who lived in the city of Magdeburg in Prussia, conceived an experiment to test the theory. His idea was a simple one. If we indeed live inside a hollow sphere, then a rocket launched vertically from Germany would, if it travelled far enough, eventually land in somewhere like Australia. Mengering obtained financial assistance from the city council and the help of several rocket experts from Berlin. Unfortunately rocket technology in 1933 wasn’t quite up to this experiment and when, after several test flights, a projectile was launched on 29 June it travelled vertically rather than horizontally (it must have provided a good day out for the locals though). The Hollow Earth Doctrine was put to the test at least once more ten years later. With Germany desperate for new weapons to win

the war, the Naval Research Institute financed a study into the theory’s naval applications (the idea here being that, if the surface of the earth is concave, objects at a distance - including enemy ships - might be detected by pointing a sufficiently powerful telescope at the sky.) When the results of these experiments proved less than promising, the Nazis apparently lost patience with Bender, and soon afterwards he and his family were carted off to a concentration camp where they perished.

In 1959 Ray Palmer, who had made quite a stir in the ‘40s by publishing Richard Shaver’s stories about an underworld race of evil, hypnotising dwarfs called deros (See ‘Of Teros and Deros’ in Bizarrism #5), began to promote the idea that flying saucers came not from outer space, but from the interior of the earth. His chief piece of evidence for the existence of polar openings - from which UFOs emerged - was the claim that famed polar explorer Admiral Richard E. Byrd, in expeditions in 1947 and 1956, had flown over the north and south poles and found lands ‘beyond’ them, facts which Palmer claimed the government had suppressed. Byrd had indeed been on expeditions in these years (although they had in fact both been to the south pole) but the tale of polar openings seems to have been made up by one F. Amadeo Giannini, who wrote about it in his book Worlds Beyond the Poles. This tale has proved to be an extremely tenacious one. What was purported to be Byrd’s uncensored log of the north pole trip was published as a book in 1990, and excerpts from it continue to pop up in alternative and conspiracy magazines. In the log, Byrd describes flying over rolling green hills and spotting what looks like a mammoth. Suddenly, flying saucers appear, emblazoned with swastikas! Byrd’s plane is forced to land and he is met by several blonde, German-speaking men who take him to a glowing ‘crystal city’. Here he meets the ‘Master’, who says that they have been observing ‘our race’ and warns Byrd that we are on a path to atomic destruction. (Byrd had obviously wandered into a variation of the idea that a group of Nazis - usually including Hitler - had escaped Germany in secretly developed flying saucers or ‘fluegelrads’ and were hiding out beneath the Antarctic.)

    The Nazis are also linked to the hollow earth via a cluster of stories about Agharti, a legendary underground city somewhere in Central Asia which is said to be the home of a race of superior beings. Basically a corruption of certain Buddhist ideas (in particular the story of Shamballah, a hidden city which is sometimes thought of as a real place) the legend originated in the writings of a 19th century French political philosopher, Joseph-Alexandre Saint Yves, who advocated an authoritarian system called ‘synarchy’ - as opposed to anarchy. As an example of a society run along such lines. Saint Yves wrote about ‘Agharta’ (which he claimed to have learned about through telepathic communication with the Dalai Lama). With the spelling changed to Agharti, the city was popularised by a Russian exile, scientist and explorer, Ferdinand Ossendowski, in his 1922 blockbuster Beasts, Men and Gods. According to Ossendowski’s account, he was travelling through Mongolia when a succession of monks and lamas all told him the same strange story. In 1890, they said.

A personage with the grand title of the ‘King of the World’ had appeared to them to deliver a great prophecy - a tale of coming wars and tribulations which would only end when the King and his subjects emerged from Agharti to bring about peace. Variations of this story have been kicking round for years. In the Nazi version, the city becomes the home of evil Tibetan monks who helped Hitler in his rise to power in the ‘30s.

The supposed polar discoveries of Admiral Byrd figure largely in Dr Raymond Bernard’s The Hollow Earth (1963), which is the best-known book on the subject. Bernard - a pseudonym for Walter Stieglitz - was a health food crank and confirmed celibate who had been warning people of a coming nuclear holocaust since the ‘50s (he lived on an island off Brazil which he claimed was outside fallout range). He also dreamed of a super race of females who reproduced parthogenetically, and came to believe they lived inside the earth. Bernard’s attempts to sell land on his island were seen by some as little more than a real estate scam, but it seems that Bernard genuinely believed in the interior world, and himself suffered at the hands of conmen who claimed they could show him a way into it.

Whatever science may say about it, the hollow earth is such a neat and satisfying concept it’s unlikely to ever disappear. A recent story doing the rounds of the New Age press told of a 1991 international expedition to the north pole led by Danish scientist Edmund Bork, which had passed through a polar opening and found a land of tropical vegetation, lit by its own sun, with a warm shallow sea and a peaceful population of humans - the ideal holiday destination in fact. Let’s face it, we live on the skin of a large rock hurtling at unimaginable speeds through a vast, cold, mysterious and potentially dangerous universe. Wouldn’t it be nice to go inside?

*** end ***

Wasn't that fun?  See you on Monday.

Monday, January 10, 2022

The Adventures of ... Ampersandman!

Direct from the May, June, and September 1991 issues of National Lampoon, here are his B&W one-page adventures.

If you're like me, you didn't even know that NatLamp lasted that long.  At least, until I bought the complete issues on CD a decade or so ago.  Wow!

See you Thursday.

Thursday, January 06, 2022

Library -- Lifeblood!

If you're a thinking person, access to a library is the lifeblood of your world, too!
Above is my childhood library card, from good ol' Bartlesville, OK.

We moved to OKC, and I became a patron of the Metropolitan Library System.

There was a pocket in the back endpaper of each book, into which was slipped a card stamped with dates.  The most recent date was when the book was due.  Of course, these cards were inserted by hand by a friendly wise person.

In the 2000s, the cardboard date-stamped cards were replaced by paper slips.  The month was punched, then the due date.

Nowadays, you receive a printed receipt which lists the books you've just checked out, with the due date.  Of course, in this new age you check your account online, and receive a friendly email "Coming Due Reminder" a few days before the day arrives.

Best of all, checkout time is now THREE weeks, not two!  No excuse to not finish that book, buddy!  Get to it!

Monday, January 03, 2022

Comics? Crash? Pish-tush! Perish the Thought!

Let's hope they don't, because they ain't got seatbelts!

Anyway, this media meditation is from the January 1 1993 Oklahoman.  See you on Thursday.  happy You Near!

Thursday, December 30, 2021

Advances for the Year 2000! I Can't Wait!

In this article from the December 31, 1967 Tulsa World, we'll learn what "the experts" say will have come about in that fabled Year of the Future, AD 2000.
  • #11, regarding high-altitude cameras, is a good projection of car/phone GPS, and services like Google Earth
  • #20, 3-D printing
  • #30, pervasive surveillance
  • #33 "educational" propaganda -- FB anyone?
  • #38 birth control (though abstinence still works!)
  • #68, recoverable rocket boosters
  • #70, home video recording and playing
  • #72, video chats
  • #76, internet search engines
  • #15, protecting the environment
  • #16, weight control
  • #48, "physically nonharmful methods of overindulging" -- hah!
Please continue to investigate the list yourself.  Have fun -- see you next year!  

Monday, December 27, 2021

A Tyrannosaurus for Christmas!

From the February 1984 issue of the magazine Working Mother:

Beats a hippo any day!  But I imagine either one would necessitate a snowshovel-sized pooper scooper.

See you Thursday!

Friday, December 24, 2021

Over-Completing Songs

           I suppose I’m the only person who has heard a song and thought that the lyrics were too short.  That is, the song has only one verse or two, and instead of being more creative, the band just repeats that one or two verses several times.

             This really bugs me.  Sometime it bugs me enough that, out of sheer obsessiveness, I’m compelled to come up with my own extra verse.

            In Peter Beagle’s divine The Last Unicorn, on the title critter’s lonely quest, she comes across a spoiled princess.  This royal she-brat, as part of an arranged marriage, follows a weary (to her) ritual in which she goes into the forest to summon a unicorn with her supposed regal virginity.  Dreary though the princess is, her would-be incantation is quite affecting.

I am a king’s daughter,

And if I cared to care,

The moon, that has no mistress,

Would flutter in my hair.

No one dares to cherish

What I choose to crave.

Never have I hungered,

That I did not have.

I am a king’s daughter,

And I grow old within

The prison of my person,

The shackles of my skin.

And I would run away

And beg from door to door,

Just to see your shadow

Once, and never more.

            In 1979 I wrote music to these verses.  To my undying sorrow, when Beagle was a guest at SoonerCon, I was too chicken to sing my version for him.

            Many years later, in 2019, I committed the ultimate fan profanity by writing my own third verse:

I am a king’s daughter,

And if my life should end,

The stars will bleed to shadows

And darkness will descend.

Although my reign was glorious,

My wealth has turned to tin.

Empty gnaws the hunger

You have left within.

            Now it’s time to call the lawyers at Apple Corps.  Remember the 1970 Badfinger song “Without You,” covered by Nilsson, Mariah Carey, and others?  It, too, suffers from a too-skimpy lyric.   They are:


Well I can’t forget this evening

Or your face as you were leaving,

But I guess that’s just the way the story goes.

You always smile, but in your eyes

Your sorrow shows,

Yes, it shows.


No I can’t forget tomorrow

When I think of all my sorrow,

When I had you there but then I let you go.

And now it’s only fair that I should let you know

What you should know.


I can’t live

If living is without you

I can’t live

I can’t give anymore


(repeat ad nauseam)


            Here is my heretical third verse:


Ev’ry night I dream about you

But I still wake up without you –

I sit up in my bed and wonder why –

Even though my friends all said you’d say good-bye

I still cry ….


            What songs have you improved?  Merry Christmas!


Monday, December 20, 2021

I Want King Arthur for Christmas!

And you can have him too, if you believe Geoffrey Ashe.
This is from the December 28, 1982 Oklahoman.

I think Riothamus is a good candidate.  I have this copy of Ashe's The Discovery of King Arthur, which is an elucidation of this theory.  You can read the excerpts of various documents and decide for yourself.

See you Thursday, fellow Anglophiles!

Thursday, December 16, 2021

Ah, for the Olden Days of Only a Handful of Earths!

These two pages are from Amazing Heroes #36, cover-dated December 1, 1983.

Eight Earths ... not a hundred, not fifty-two, but eight.  Ain't that sufficient?

I really wish that writers were creative enough to tell stories in just a couple of little old universes.  Instead of blowing whole cosmoses up every few years, they could try blowing up some preconceptions like continuing story arcs, neurotic heroes, and obsessive hyper-continuity.

Call 'em imaginary stories, or "what if?" and otherwise have some characters that have the same costume or girlfriend or backstory for a year or so.

Rant concluded.  See you next Monday!

Monday, December 13, 2021


At least, that's what I gleaned from this review in the December 1967 Saturday Review.

I even agree with Mike Jahn that Sgt Pepper isn't the be-all and end-all of Western Civilization.  Don't string me up!
See you Thursday.

Thursday, December 09, 2021

Shoppin’ Silly, the Amazon Way! #5

We all know that websites, especially sellers, use algorithms to analyze our transactions. They then tailor “suggestions” targeted to our presumed buying practices.

But sometimes those algorithms produce silly results!

While I really like Stephen King's writing in "The Body," I don't think it (or its original publication in Different Seasons) merit being listed as a reference book.
Even less so do I agree with the sorting algorithm which placed these JFK-assassination books in "Humor & Entertainment."

The moral is, Don't take computer suggestions without a little good ol' human dubiosity!  See you on Monday.  Happy shopping!

Tuesday, December 07, 2021

A Late December!

Here are the pages for December from the PsychoFLAIRapy calendar. Sorry to be tardy!

Those crazy PsychoFLAIRians, as you've noticed, wear nothing but G-strings and bikinis all year round.

PS -- as a special reward for sticking with us through the entire year of "1971=2021" calendar pages ...
Here's the BACK side of the December calendar.  It's proof that my talents don't run to freehand sketching.

Monday, December 06, 2021

No CODs for This Shopping List!

In December 1971 I thought it a neato, keen-o idea to concoct some anarchic kid's demolition Xmas list.

Pretty hyperbolic, huh?
Check out the back side of this typed sheet, on which I wrote the item prices before totaling them up on Dad's 15-pound electric adding machine.

And what do YOU want for Christmas, my precious?  Ponder that while waiting for Thursday's post!

Thursday, December 02, 2021

Get Ready for Some Hope!

As we get ready to celebrate the greatest gift of all -- hope for everybody -- here's a new compilation of Christmas music.  Here are the tracks:

01 - Joy to the World - Cathedral Brass - 1998  (1:23)

02 - The First Nowell - The Elizabethan Singers - 1965  (4:09)

03 - I Wonder as I Wander - Radhika Miller - 1990  (3:17)

04 - Away in a Manger - John Edwards-Rondal Wallace - 2003  (3:19)

05 - Lullabies for the Baby Jesus - Mitzie Collins, Glennda Dove & Roxanne Ziegler - 1986  (3:14)

06 - Gloria! To God Sing Gloria! - arr Lloyd Larson - 2008  (3:40)

07 - What Child Is This - Jill Justice - 1990  (4:48)

08 - Santa Claus Is Coming to Town - The Fab Four - 2002  (2:07)

09 - Hark! The Herald Angels Sing - London Festival Choir & London Symphony Brass Ensemble - 1987  (2:19)

10 - Lux Hodie...Orientis Partibus - Joel Cohen - 1975  (3:00)

11 - Concert Variations on “Adeste Fidelis” - Anna Maria Mendieta - 1993  (4:37)

12 - Bring a Torch, Jeannette, Isabella - John Edwards-Rondal Wallace - 2003  (2:41)

13 - Sweet Child of Glory - Mary O'Hara - 1962  (2:03)

14 - Children, Run Joyfully - St. Louis Jesuits - 1977  (2:36)

15 - Fantasy on “O Come, Little Children” - Joseph Martin - 1997  (4:21)

16 - Hallelujah to the New Born King - His Love, Reaching - 1975  (1:38)

17 - Ding Dong! Merrily on High - London Festival Choir & London Symphony Brass Ensemble - 1987  (2:06)

18 - Zither Carol - James Galway Royal Philharmonic Orchestra, BBC Singers, Chapel Choir Of King's School Canterbury - 1986  (2:54)

19 - Silent Night - The Elizabethan Singers - 1965  (3:07)

20 - I Wonder as I Wander - Kathleen Battle - 1986  (2:57)

21 - Twelve Days of Christmas - The Swingle Singers - 1987  (2:56)

22 - Go Tell It on the Mountain - Cambridge Singers, City of London Sinfonia - 1993  (3:13)

23 - Sound Over All Waters - Theresa Thomason and Paul Halley - 1998  (4:12)

24 - Hark! - The Fab Four - 2008  (1:44)

25 - For All Eternity - Classic Fox Records - 2006  (1:48)

26 - All Is Well - Michael W Smith et al - 2010  (4:09)

Don't forget that things don't have to end dark and lonely.  Check out the light of the world, he's pretty cool!

See you on Thursday!

All original content
© by Mark Alfred