Wednesday, February 12, 2014

Bruce Wayne -- Closet Furry!

 Yes, that COULD BE the headline if this story were in The Tattler.  And why?  Read on, dear readers ...

Lois has decided that Bruce is Superman and therefore must he secretly tricked into marrying her so that she will thereby get her hooks into Superman.  Now, after a swanky date where Bruce played chicken to a nonexistent threat and thus raised Lois's suspicions further, they are on their way home when Lois sees some shady characters whom she recognizes as crooks.

The baddies get the jump on them, tying Lois to a chair and tossing Bruce into the fur cooler.  What other choice does he have to survive, than to dress up in all of those animal skins.  LIKE A FURRY!

Bruce escapes by using a lockpick from his utility belt, and rescues Lois.  After they've  reported the criminals to the local precinct, somehow it's a lot easier for Lois to conjecture that Bruce Wayne's (hypothetical super-)powers saved him from the deep freeze than that HE PUT ON A COAT.

"She's cute! She's smart! She can dance! And she can kiss!" -- MAYBE MY FRIEND WILL MARRY HER?!?!?  Are we sure that Bruce (Batman) Wayne doesn't need a male supplement?!?!

Now, in the last panel in today's installment, Bruce has a better idea than switching to Batman to nap the escaped "flying furrito brothers."  What idea?

Tune in Friday to find out!

Monday, February 10, 2014

Bruce Wayne -- Fraidy Cat!

This is the kind of unrelenting commercialistic bombardment to which we kids were subjected in the 1960s.  The top two-thirds of the page is an ad for an 80-pg Giant featuring "Jimmy Olsen's Greatest Scoops."  How could any self-respecting American kid see the cover of a comic book like this one and not scream "SHUT UP AND TAKE MY MONEY!"  Isn't Curt Swan's art for this cover great?

Especially the grimaces on Jimmy and Superman's faces in the center panel, like two six-year-olds saying, "I say it's spinach, and the hell with it."  You can only express full resentment by crossing your arms while you scowl ... this is a scientific fact, you know.

And the bottom ad for Tootsie Rolls? Postmodern simplistic genius!   There was a TV commercial for Tootsie Rolls with the same theme.  It ended with a kid nodding his head and trying to grin around a mouthful of Tootsie Roll and a solo male tenor voice chanted that immortal jingle:  "Long time, long time!  Chewy chewy Tootsie Roll last a long time!  Mmmmm-mmmm!"

As our story resumes, Lois has decided that Bruce Wayne is really Superman, despite seeing a Batman outfit in Wayne's closet.  Under cover of writing a story about his philanthropic work, she intends to woo him and get him to propose, so she can thereby snare Superman, her idol.

At a "swanky" Wild West restaurant, Bruce sees a gunslingin' gal and hits the deck, worried it's a hit.

WAIT A MINUTE!  Wouldn't Batman (or even millionaire playboy Bruce Wayne) have dragged his date out of danger, too?  For once we have an unbelievable plot action taken by someone other than Lois!

Anyway, turns out the gal's shootin' iron is really a gun camera (I thought gun cameras were only on jets?).  And since Lois is certain that Bruce is Superman, she figures he's playing chicken so that no one will think he's as rough and tough as he really is.

Next thing we know, they're in each others' arms on the dance floor, and the lights are sparkling in their eyes, and moonlight becomes her, and moon and June and love and above ....

... Oops, I got carried away in the romance!  At any rate, come back Wednesday to see what happens when the lights come up and the music fades away.

All original content
© by Mark Alfred