O My Darling ... Frankenstein?

Well, one of those ideas came to me in the early morning hours of this October.  When the demented muse finally discarded my mutilated brain, the following words were left behind.  It's a song, a filk if you will, to be sung to the tune of "Clementine."

My Monster Frankenstein

by Mark Alfred

On a table, in a castle,

Shackled down from toe to spine,

Lay a creature pale of feature –

And we called him Frankenstein.

          Oh my monster, oh my monster,

          Oh my monster Frankenstein,

          You were made to live forever –

          Awful scary, Frankenstein.

Tall he was and like a mountain,

And his shoes size twenty-nine –

Coffin boxes without topses

Formed a bed for Frankenstein.

          Oh my monster, oh my monster,

          Oh my monster Frankenstein,

          Shot with juice, you’ll live forever!

          Awful scary, Frankenstein.

Chased the peasants through the village,

Killed each one that he could find.

Said his maker was a faker,

Wouldn’t give him peace of mind.

          Oh my monster, oh my monster,

          Oh my monster Frankenstein,

          Did you want to live forever?

          Awful scary, Frankenstein.

All he wanted was a girlfriend.

All his love he would consign,

To a woman who would come and

Love the monster, Frankenstein.

          Oh my monster, oh my monster,

          Oh my monster Frankenstein,

          What you want I can’t deliver –

          Dreadful sorry, Frankenstein.

So he asked his kindly Doctor

To a girl for him design.

He’s so lonely, he’s the only

Manmade monster, Frankenstein.

          Oh my monster, oh my monster,

          Oh my monster Frankenstein,

          All your anguish makes me shiver –

          Awful scary, Frankenstein.

So the Doctor started sewing

On a female of the line.

All that stitching!  He was bitching,

That Professor Frankenstein.

          Oh my monster, oh my monster,

          Oh my monster Frankenstein,

          What’s he sewing?  You’re not knowing –

          Never worry, Frankenstein.

Then the Doctor turned the juice on,

On the form that lay supine.

Then her form began to warm!

And oh the joy of Frankenstein!

          Oh my monster, oh my monster,

          Oh my monster Frankenstein,

          Here’s a mate to have forever!

          Pretty happy, Frankenstein.

But the bride rose from the table,

Her disgust was unconfined.

Started screamin’ like a demon –

Dreadful sorry, Frankenstein.

          Oh my monster, oh my monster,

          Oh my monster Frankenstein,

          Did you ask to live forever?

          Awful scary, Frankenstein.

Now he staggers through the country

With a hate for all mankind.

His awoken heart was broken –

He’s so bitter, Frankenstein.

          Oh my monster, oh my monster,

          Oh my monster Frankenstein,

          What the cost, to live forever?

          Awful scary, Frankenstein.

Copyright © 2018 by Mark Alfred

Thanks for allowing me to drag your corpse through 2018 Blog-o-Ween!

Happy Hauntings!  

Halloween Decoration Fail

One of the buildings I work at has a lot of fun decorating their offices.  There's  contest for the best door decoration, too.

In October 2017 I was walking the halls and was bemused to see a very silly Halloween window decal.

What's wrong with this picture?  Why, everybody knows that a vampire wouldn't be smiling if his coffin bore a cross.  The poor schmuck probably couldn't even open the lid.

Sheesh!  The level of public ignorance about the basics of life nowadays!  The goof level only increases when you realize that the illo is a commercially available product!  That means that many eyes looked at the image before it was distributed, and not one moron picked up on the jarring dissonance.

Well, grease up your trapdoors and fire up your bonfires.  I'll see you back here on Wednesday, the 31st, for our final installment of this year's Blog-o-Ween!