Acrostics, Dune, and Stranger in a Strange Land

            My college years were like most peoples’ in many ways.  I entered brief, intense friendships which now have cooled; I skipped a lot of sleep; I discovered friends who still influence my life today; I met my life’s mate.

            A less-common circumstance involves my roommate, Curt Gebert.  I’ll always be thankful for that farm kid’s accepting frinedship for this long-haired, introverted loudmouth.

             I took this Polaroid snapshot on the afternoon of Sunday, August 24, 1975, in the room I shared with Curt.  Left-to-right are Curt, his wife-to-be Sherri Vasey, and OCU law student Ray McMahon.

            By the Spring semester of 1976, Sherri was falling behind on some schoolwork.  And so it happened that I perpetrated my only act of scholarly fraud:

            I wrote a paper for Sherri, about the concepts of water and religion in Dune and Stranger in a Strange Land.

            These are the paperback editions we read at the time, the mid-1970s.

            And here is the scandalous script.

At least Sherri got Honors Credit for it!

            You may ask, “Why is this worthy of an APRIL FOOLISHNESS mention?”

            Because as a bit of fun, I wrote the thing so that the first letters of each sentence spelled out something wonderful.

           That’s right, just for fun I made the first letters spell M-A-R-K  A-N-D  J-O-Y-C-E.

           And now you know the rest of the story.

            See you next Monday for more April Foolishness!
 

Welcome to the Complaints Department

            As a prized state employee, I have travelled through many offices.  I rejoice in the personal touches which show evidence of humanity in the system.  Here are a few creative aspects of the age-old problem of employee or customer complaints.

            Here’s a fairly common trick.  You figured out that this label is on a shredder, didn’t you?

            This is a lot more subtle.  This is a three-story building.  NOW you get it!

           This sign appears in the same office.  Kind of reminds me of the bar sign that says “Free Beer Yesterday.”

           This one is my favorite.  In the hallway leading to the Oklahoma Emergency Management offices, there is this handy-dandy building directory.

            By the way, travelling 300 miles in the direction of the arrow would put you on the far side of Amarillo, TX.


            See you next Monday for more April Foolishness!
 

Welcome to April Foolishness: 2019 Edition! – Mark the Headbanger

            You can’t have a real celebration without having some skin in the game, they say.  In my case, it’s not skin, but blood . . .



            In April of 1971 I was fifteen years old.  I was a member of the UMYF (United Methodist Youth Fellowship), and we had a meeting every Wednesday night which was called Bible Study, but often our talk was general “stuff,” some of which was spiritual.



            As was my wont, I had brung a record from home, to listen on the “big sound” of the console stereo in our church’s Youth Room.  It was Wednesday, April 14.  I brought my copy of Badfinger’s Magic Christian Music.  Before “Bible Study” began, I decided to get a Dr Pepper from the pop machine in the basement.  From the ground-floor entrance, I took a back way, down a narrow flight of stairs.

            At the top of the door frame was a roll-down fire door, similar to the above.  It had a lip so that anybody on either side of the door could pull it down.

           The above picture is the only one I could find online which shows the kind of pull-down lip I’m talking about.  Now, back to 1971 ...



            I was invincible (aren’t all 15-year olds?).  Without thinking, I decided to leap from the top of the steps to the bottom.  This seems doubly silly because at the time I was carrying that Badfinger album.  There was a BANG! and suddenly I was on the floor at the bottom of the steps.  Blood was dripping from my head onto floor, onto me, and onto the record cover.



            I hit my head on the fire door!



            Luckily the Boys bathroom was right where I landed.  I grabbed some paper towels to hold against my head.  I picked up the album, bought my five-cent Dr Pepper, and went back to the Youth Room.  Although several other kids kept telling me to call home for help, I refused until after Bible Study was over.  When Mom picked me up, she drove straight home with me.  She and Dad drove me to the Emergency Room.  We got there at 11PM.  My 2-inch “laceration of the scalp” was stitched up by good ol’ Dr Denyer.

             Recently I came across the emergency-room receipt in a bundle of papers.  That’s how I can pinpoint the date, campers!  If you were here, you could take a finger and feel the permanent ridge in my skull which persists, yea these forty-plus years later.

            Postscript:  I used to have several hundred LPs.  Most are gone.  But this puppy is still a prized possession, bloodstains and all!



            And that, Dear Readers, is why I can legitimately claim to be a headbanger.



            See you next Monday for more April Foolishness!

 

March Mazeppa Madness Ends ... NOW

Another side of the great G. Ailard S. Artain is exposed in the above Tulsa World article from November 5, 1972.

The owl in the photo may be the one used in the commercial title card captioned, "The Uncanny Film Festival Continues."

And, while I've never met the man, I probably would have been another one of those "smart alecky teenagers who, in an effort to be funny, succeed in just being obnoxious."  Those who know me best will assure you that this characteristic is not native to only teens.

Regarding the film-TV career boom, I must confess that I haven't seen Nashville or Hollywood Knights.  I can tell you that Sartain should have received a Supporting Actor Oscar for his portrayal of the Big Bopper in the 1978 The Buddy Holly Story.

And so we reach an end to this year's March Mazeppa Madness.  Rest assured, trembling fans, that there are plenty more Mazeppa scrapings -- I mean, press clippings -- where these came from.  You'll have to wait until 2020 to see more ("see more" -- "20/20" -- get it?).

Come back Monday, April 1st, for the commencement of 2019 April Foolishness!  Until then … happy Lawzees, Turkeys and Turkettes!

  

No Longer Lost!

This article is from the October 10, 1992 Tulsa World.

I must say that I am a shameless possessor of all four volumes.  But them now!  You can't go wrong!

You may purchase from Mazeppa.com.  In case you wondered, these "tapes" are now DVDs.

Do it now.  Your children and descendants yet unborn will thank you!

Lawzee, you turkeys!  Come back on Friday for the final round of this year's March Mazeppa Madness!

Markzeppa Must Not Die!

The latest appearance of the dread Markzeppa happened last year, at SoonerCon 27.

Who can say which has faded more -- the costume-wearer or the costume!

You will notice the slight upgrade, the boxing gloves -- a new purchase at an area purveyor of slightly used merchandise.

See you back here on Wednesday for more Mazeppa history!
 

Mazeppa's Catalog of Delights

When I bought the first of the Lost Tapes of Mazeppa on VHS in 1994, they also included this boffo, socko catalog.

You can do online ordering of the Mazeppa videos here.

See you back here on Monday, campers!
 

Halloween, 1970: Mazeppa Haunts the Airwaves!

In 1970, Halloween providentially fell on Saturday.  That made marketing meat for Channel 6 in Tulsa.

 Instead of beginning "whenever" the 10:30PM movie ended, ol' Mazeppa had the whole evening to hisself!

As you can see by my markings in the TV Guide, there were PLENTY of scariffic movies to choose from that Saturday night.

And yes, you little turkeys, that is a weird Mazeppa Pumpkinzoidi art in each corner of the half-page Mazeppa ad.  Cleaned up a little for you here:

See you back here on Friday, turkeys and turkettes!

Time Munches On!

Even though there wasn't really anyplace in Bartlesville to use it, I of course made sure to get an Uncola Underground Card, as endorsed by ol' Mazeppa.

It's slightly the worse for wear, although now protected by being wrapped in clear mailing tape.

In other news, I wore my Mazeppa outfit to SoonerCon 9, in November, 1993.

Another attendee was the late, great Mark Barragar.  His big ol' self was decked out as Frankenstein's Monster.

Of course, the fates dictated we be photographed together.  He didn't squeeze my neck too hard … gulp!

Tune back in on Wednesday for our next installment!
 

Mazeppa Cures Acne!

            Back in Ye Olden Days before VCRs, I was one of zillions of youngsters who did the next best thing to videorecording.  We held the mic of our cassette recorders to the TV and recorded the audio.

            I did this for Mazeppa’s show, a lot.  Too bad I no longer have any of those tapes!  However, I did replay them over and over.



            One of Mazeppa’s typical tricks was commercials for fake products, in the tradition of Bob & Ray’s fake sponsors.



            For one such spoof, the twisted mind of G. Ailard S. Artain conceived a product which years later would take the world by storm ...



He took the concept of the facial mask one step farther and made a “fake” commercial for a new product.

That product was Duct Tape.



Nowadays, this idea is common!



I can remember, verbatim, a few of the lines.  The camera showed Sartain holding tape to his face, which was then viciously yanked away.  Jim Millaway, Sherman Oaks, crowed, “Your friends will think you’ve hit the wah-wah pedal with our new product.”  Meanwhile, Sartain rolled on the floor holding his face, crying, “wah-wah” like a baby.

You know, these products are alive and well today in such products as Bioré blackhead strips.  So, if you dare, use one of these products.  But don’t forget Mazeppa’s slogan for this product:

Just wrap those pimples in tape ... and tear your troubles away!

See you on Monday for more March Mazeppa Madness!
 

We're All Proud of Gailard Sartain

From the December 14, 1997 Tulsa World:

No, in no way does Sartain look like a leering dirty old man in the photo.  Uh-uh, nope.  What you can't see in the photo is that, unbeknownst to the photographer, Dixon just pinched our hero's butt.

See you on Friday for a premium reminiscence!
 

Beginning the Tawdry Tale of Markzeppa

And so it was. in my fourteenth year, I prevailed upon Seamstress Supreme Mary Lou to create a Mazeppa outfit.

She took a sheet and dyed it royal blue.  She sewed brocade in the places I indicated.  She added some snaps to hold the front seam closed.  I, even your humble correspondent hisself, made a cone from posterboard bought from TG&Y.  I rolled that cone and taped it into shape.  Then the Ruler of All Sewing made a sheath from leftover bits of that selfsame dyed sheet, to form the wizard's hat.

Behold the finished product with tears of joy!

You can tell that in the first, indoors picture, my glasses were off and I bore a fake 'stache.  But the outdoor photo give you the beauty of it hot, as Eliot says in The Waste Land.

In coming weeks you will see how well that this stupendous bit of tailory has stood the passage of the years.

Come back Wednesday for more March Mazeppa Madness.  Until then . . . LAWZEE!

Crazy Ed Greer Was a Mazeppa Sponsor

At least, that's what he was sometimes called on the Uncanny Film Festival.

And when Mazeppa released a record, one of the places which sold it was "Greer Stereo Tape Centers."

 The above insert (front-and-back) was stuck into six-pack carriers of 7-Up in the Tulsa viewing area, including Bartlesville.

I even saved enough bottle liners to fill this one up, but I never got to a Greer's store to cash in on this great deal.  (You can tell by the stains/spots that there are two copies of the insert.)

PS:  The above YouTube link is from the gallant fellow Stevo, of Stevo in Your Stereo and other fine purviews of refinement.

See you on Monday for more March Mazeppa Madness!

Mazeppa Pushes the Entertainment Passport

Sometime in the year 1970 ...

You could save a buck on what was already a $125 value!

 These inserts were stuck into the cardboard six-bottle carriers of 7-Up.

Of course, all these attractions were in Tulsa.  That's why I saved the thing instead of sending it in.  After all, how would a 14-year-old make it to all these happening places in T-Town?

Not to mention coming up with the price of Ticket Number One, so as to receive the second one free.

I guess that makes me a dumb little turkey.  Probably not the only one, by this criterion!

See you on Friday for our next installment.  Or, as Mazeppa said once,

BE-BOP ON BACK BY!

Welcome to MARCH MAZEPPA MADNESS!

Anybody who's anybody that grew up in the mid-1970s with access to Tulsa TV stations knows who Mazeppa Pompazoidi is!

If you don't know, then get educated at his webpage, or at Tulsa TV Memories.

Throughout the merry month of March, you're gonna be stuck with MY Mazeppa memories, so there!

In 1970, I attended Madison Junior High and worked in the library.  (A moment of silence in honor of the patience of Mrs Rush, the librarian.)  When Halloween time was near, I teamed up with my buddy Mark Brim to decorate the library bulletin board for the season, with a certain tilt...

I'm the gallant clown on the left.  Yes, Mark and I had nearly identical corduroy coats.

I must inform a crestfallen art world that although I was the auteur of the Mazeppa portrait and the wheel-of-colors thing below it, both timeless works of felt-tip frissonage are lost to the mists of history.

Stay tuned each Monday, Wednesday, and Friday of this month for more MARCH MAZEPPA MADNESS!

Beginning Monday, March 4: March Mazeppa Madness!

Every Monday, Wednesday, and Friday in March, we'll unlock my scrummy scrapbook of magical Mazeppa messitude!

IT'S HERE! The Next Volume in "These Are the Voyages"

And you can buy this jewel RIGHT NOW from the publisher and get it with Marc Cushman's own sneaky-but-charming autograph.

This is another many-hundreds-of-pages book, jam-packed with all you may need to know -- more than you thought COULD be known -- about the arc of STAR TREK creator Gene Roddenberry's life and work from 1970 to 1975.

Roddenberry worked on movies, TV series which never came to pass, several TV movies, and … the TV return of Star Trek.

That's right, campers, this volume covers all episodes of ST:TAS from story pitch through broadcast, just as TOS was documented in the first three volumes of this series..

Marc is not only kind enough to let me wrangle his words, he joked about it in the copy he signed for me:

He says, "Thank you for letting me take the credit (or blame) for it."

You see, in January Marc appeared on a radio talk show.  I called in to harass him, and waited on hold for awhile.  In the meantime, a caller came on.  This guy harangued Marc concerning the dates on which a certain Star Trek episode was filmed.  He said he had gone to the archives and that Marc got some of the shooting dates wrong.

As politely as possible, Marc said he would love to be contacted by the caller with any documentation or proof that the book was wrong.  Nobody's perfect, after all.

My turn on the radio came next, and I quickly pointed out that all the GOOD STUFF in the book is Marc's responsibility.  Any mistakes should be blamed solely on the editor -- me!

Both Marc and the radio host got a chuckle out of that, then I briefly narrated the stupendous amount of detail in the book.  Nobody could do better, I avow.

That's what Marc's personal inscription refers to.

Now you may discover the exciting truth for yourself, Star Guys and Space Gals!

And stay tuned for the next volume in the series, which is presently only a gleam in Mr Cushman's eye (or nightmares, ha-ha).