Friday, January 31, 2014

So Much for Lois Lane's Return to Krypton!

Ain't that always the way? You go back in time to save Krypton, decide to cut in on Lara and marry Jor-El for yourself (after saving Krypton, of course), and the whole plan just gets shot to **** by some green-skinned alien creep shrinking the gol-darned city!

Boy, in that first panel, doesn't Jor-El look like one of Joe Jackson's “Pretty boys - on my TV screen / Teeth so white and hair so clean” ?

 But now we know what happened -- Krypton is doomed because of the removal of that Anti-Nuclear Ray Tower, built from the plans Lois brought from the future.  That darn ol' Brainiac seems to show up at such inopportune times.  After all, in Superman #141, five years earlier, we learned it was Brainiac's shrinking of Krypton that helped screw up Kal-El's romance with Lyla Lerrol.

WAIT A MINUTE!  Superman (Kal-El) is HERE ON KRYPTON (according to "Superman's Return to Krypton") at the same time that Lois is there (according to this story).  They're watching the theft of Kandor from opposite sides of the city, perhaps!  Why don't they bump into each other and settle down here on Krypton happily ever after? ... the mind boggles ...

WHEW!  Back to THIS tale ...

So, Brainiac's shrinking of Kandor also swept up the handy-dandy Anti-Nuclear Ray that Lois hoped would dampen Krypton's self-destruction.  Crestfallen, Lois decided to return to her Time Machine for one last go ... and, mirabile dictu, the sparkly snow that's falling seems to have recharged the batteries, or something like that. 

Oh, yeah, now that the Time Machine works, why not zip in on Lara and tell her that you're a conniving b*tch from the future?  Surely THAT will make her want to send her baby to your planet!

Isn't it interesting that, as drawn by Kurt Schaffenberger, Jor-El's lab looks like the Kent family home in Smallville?  There are the begonias, the picket fence, the green grass, the wooden siding on the house, the toy wagon and the wooden blocks ...

Am I the only person who notices these things?  BTW, it's a good thing that they don't have Law & Order: SVU on Krypton, or Benson-El and Stabler-El would throw Lois Lane into the Kryptonian slammer for a lo-o-o-ng time.  Don't you know that's child molestation, Lois dear?

Meanwhile, inside their rustic Sears-Roebuck (Kryptonian) house, Jor-El decides to demonstrate to Lara his new Phantom Zone Projector by shooting it randomly through the window --- WHERE THEIR SON IS PLAYING OUTSIDE, PEOPLE!  Hello!

Good thing it disintegrates that scheming Lois and not their dear baby boy!

[deep breath] ... and that, dear readers, is how Lois Lane ended up in the Phantom Zone in our story's opening.  Wasn't it a wild'n'wacky trip?

See you Monday!

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