I confess, I'm guilty too!
“Cave at Wayne Manor”
(by Mark Alfred)
(to the tune of “House at Pooh Corner”)
Commissioner Gordon and I walked alone,
While the Bat-Signal shone like the moon.
He came to me asking how we could chase
All those wackos from town very soon.
But the traffic was backed up in Gotham Town Square,
’Cause the Penguin was fighting the Catwoman there --
So help me if you can, I’ve got to get
Back to the Cave at Wayne Manor by dark,
So I can chase costumed goons from the park:
Sheathe all the Catwoman’s claws,
Put Riddler’s riddles on pause,
Back to the Cave with Alfred and Robin, that’s who.
Alfred is ill, needs a Mr. Freeze pill;
Poison Ivy’s got Bane on a leash.
Robin’s been conned by a Batsuited blonde --
She can fight, though she looks quite the dish.
And while diamonds are Freeze’s best friends, Ivy’s cute --
Though I can’t stand her friend in the pro-wrestler’s suit!
So help me if you can, I’ve got to get
Up to the telescope ’fore the flick’s done;
Meanwhile, keep dodging that icicle gun.
Bring down some sunshine from space --
Next comes a Bathound named Ace?
Oh for the days of just Batman and Robin,
Fighting mere crimelords of Gotham with Robin,
Cut down the cast list to “Batman and Robin,” that’s who!
Copyright © 1997 by Mark Alfred
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