An Open Secret, Part 3

An Open Secret

PART 3

by Mark Alfred

            5)        In April, 1962’s Superman #152, Superman has agreed to wear a clock-faced medallion during a money-raising drive for the Combined Charities of Metropolis.  Unbeknownst to him, two members of the Anti-Superman gang have “fixed the clock sign Superman’s wearing so that it contains midget gimmicks that send TV color impulses to our private screen!  We’ll keep tuned in till we learn his Secret Identity!”  Just as they’d hoped, the big reveal takes place when Superman arrives at Clark’s apartment.  This disaster is remedied by a trick involving a Superman robot and false Kryptonite, enabling our hero to trap and fool the bad guys.

            6)        In May, 1967, Superman #196 tells how Clark becomes the surprise selection to play Superman, in movie star Lyrica Lloyd’s new movie.  Soon ensues a comedy of errors involving “faked, special-effects” super powers.  The light deceptive tone turns more serious when Clark falls for his beautiful leading lady.  He proposes marriage, revealing his Secret Identity, provoking her to faint – from the shock, he supposes.  But when she revives, Lyrica tells the bad news:  While on location in Africa, she contracted a rare jungle disease.  “That means ... my hours are numbered too!”

            However, she says consolingly, “I can die happy, Superman, knowing I would have been your wife ... if fate had been kinder!”  She soon dies in Superman’s arms (no Cutting Crew jokes, please), leaving the heartbroken Man of Steel to reflect, “My Secret Identity will go to the grave with her!  But that’s no consolation to me!  Goodbye, Lyrica, my dearest – forever!”

            Years before, Superboy had undergone a sadly similar experience in Smallville.  The cover story of Superboy #77, December, 1959, tells of “Superboy’s Best Friend.”  After his life is saved by the Boy of Steel, new kid in town Freddy Shaw had become a best pal for the Lad of Steel.  This friendship eventually prompted Superboy’s revelation of his Terran identity.  Freddy helped cover for some of Clark’s quick-change departures, prompting the thought, “He understands I must’ve taken care of some emergency!  It’s good to have a friend who knows your secrets!”

            However, before long Freddy developed dizzy spells which manifested a fatal, feverish illness.  At the end of this tale, Freddy had been laid to rest, and Clark sadly recalled “my first and last best friend!”

            7)  The scene:  a fifth-floor window ledge.  The players:  Clark Kent and Torpedo the mad bomber, caught in the act of planting his 29^th device.  When Torpedo threatens to toss his bomb into the gathered crowd below, Kent claims an attack of vertigo, and ducks into a darkened room.  He doesn’t know that he’s being spied upon by two baddies, Maxie and the Professor.  They watch Kent closely:  “No look of fear ... no sign of dizziness ... He isn’t pale! ... Now what would you conclude ... if, in an emergency like this, Kent disappeared into that room and Superman flew out of it?”  Yes, this happens before their eyes; the Professor’s years of investigations have paid off in a big way.

            En route to jail via the Superman Express, the Torpedo vows to kill Kent, the man who tracked him down.  Meanwhile, the Professor sets into motion an elaborate blackmail scheme which includes plastic surgery to make Maxie’s face a duplicate of Kent’s phizzog.  The doctor who performs this service is one Marlene, who gloats, “My mother was Hitler’s greatest plastic surgeon ... And Mama taught me everything before she died!”

            Through a clever ruse, the Maxie-Marlene-Professor axis of evil is soon privy to not only Superman’s, but also Supergirl’s Secret Identities.  They decide to extort the Girl of Steel into robbery for them.  But the Maid of Might rebuffs them after much worry and consideration:  “Do your worst!  At least Superman can only call me a bungler, not a thief!”

             However, on their way back to town after their secret Supergirl rendezvous, and ready to reveal Kryptonian secrets, the three are slowed by a flat tire.  Maxie, the man with Clark Kent’s face, gets out and flags down a passing motorist for help.  Little does he know that the oncoming car is being driven by the Torpedo, who has broken out of the slammer to kill Kent.  One bomb explosion later, the Kryptonian Cousins’ secrets are safe.

            This twisted saga of mutilation, Nazi-esque sadism, and backfired revenge is told in February, 1967’s Action #346.

            8)        Action #340, cover-dated August, 1966, introduced “the most dangerous villain Superman has ever faced,” the Parasite.  The story begins as Jensen, a greedy, lowlife lab worker, comes upon a container marked “Radioactive Waste.”  The foolish would-be felon reasons to himself, “I heard they used to ship payrolls like this to fool crooks!”  WRONGO, sport!  The strange energy which explodes from the opened canister bathes the hapless Jensen in “strange, alien rays, which penetrate every cell of his body!”

            Upon recovering consciousness, Jensen finds that he can now absorb energy from other people.  In fact he must do so:  He quickly burns off that force, and must have more.  Jensen discovers that his leechlike abilities allow him to likewise acquire intelligence and skills from his victims.  Soon he hits the jackpot when he encounters Superman, learning the Secret Identity.  The Parasite realizes, in the mighty battle which ensues, that he might not have an audience for this world-shaking revelation:  “How can I threaten to expose Superman’s identity when I weakened everyone within hearing into unconsciousness?”  meanwhile the Man of Steel presses the battle until he falls, drained, before the malefactor ... just as planned.

            Suddenly, the Parasite’s body begins to glow; quickly it dissolves in a weird implosion of energy.  A recovering Superman reflects, “Though his parasitic ability allowed him to sap my power, his body was still mortal!  It was too frail to contain the awesome energies he absorbed!”

            Silver Age aside:  Many Baby Boomers will recall Filmation’s faithful adaptation of this Jim Shooter story, which first aired in December, 1966.  Above is a frame-grab of the Parasite just before he goes Super-nova. 

      And, what pre-teen who watched the Filmation episode can forget Bud Collyer’s doom-filled ending narration?  “He didn’t realize that an Earth man’s body was too frail to contain the super power of a man from Krypton!”

End of Part Three

See you next Monday for more!

See you Thursday with a new music compilation!

 

An Open Secret, Part 2

An Open Secret

PART 2

by Mark Alfred

            1)        Action #237 (February, 1958) tells of newspaper magnate Henry Furst’s greatest scoop.  Years of secret research have convinced Furst that Clark Kent is secretly Superman.  So the rich man uses a powerful drug to fake his own death, conning Clark into revealing the secret to “a dying man.”  Imagine the reporter’s chagrin upon receiving a phone call from the “dead man” gleefully detailing the EXTRA! edition his papers will be carrying.

            Thankfully, by a strange twist of fate, the same drug that induced Furst’s simulated death ends up scrambling his memories, to the point that he eventually decides that the memory of Clark’s confession is a muddled vignette from a clouded mind.

            Sadly, just three years later, Superman falls for the same dying-man trick, in Action 276.  This time the trickster is wealthy philanthropist John Kiley, really the head of the Anti-Superman Gang.  He’s not after the journalistic scoop of the century; he uses the info to spring a Kryptonite trap on the Man of Tomorrow, a snare from which Superman (of course) barely escapes.

            But how to reverse Kiley’s fateful knowledge?  It takes the combined efforts of the Superman Emergency Squad and (then-unknown) Supergirl to convince the mobster that he’s seeing superbeings everywhere ... a sure sign of pharmaceutical delirium.  It stands to reason that Kent couldn’t be Superman, either.  Whew!

            2)        Not all who learn the Great Secret have criminal intentions, of course.  Superboy #90 (July 1961) narrates the momentous camping trip of Clark and best friend Pete Ross.  A clap of thunder awaken Pete just in time to reveal his friend Clark switching to Superboy. 

            

            However, in a refreshingly compassionate twist, Pete vows silence.  “I’ll never betray him or even tell Clark I know!  He mustn’t be disturbed or hampered in any way by my knowledge!”  Over the intervening years, Pete has even “accidentally” provided opportunities for his friend to slip away and change, undetected.

            Years later, as told in 1976’s Action #457, a grown-up Pete is divorced, living in Metropolis with his young son Jon.  Superman arrives at Truman Memorial Hospital to be told that Jon is dying, and has “lost the will to survive!”  Pete takes the Man of Steel aside to inform him, “Jon always said the one thing he wanted more than anything in the world is to know your secret identity!”

 

            So, in an attempt to save Jon’s life, Superman confesses his secret to the boy.  Imagine his consternation when the youngster bursts into tears of disbelief, in the scene shown on the cover:  “How do you expect even a kid to believe Superman is Clark Kent?”  Eventually, Jon gets better, and is convinced by a strange sight:  Clark Kent’s empty medicine cabinet. After all, Superman needs no toothpaste, aspirin, or bandages!

            4)        From 1959, Action #247 chronicles how the adult Clark is suddenly visited by the long-dead Ma and Pa Kent, here for a day by means of a time bubble on loan from a scientist friend.  The subsequent evening of reminiscences completely convinces Clark that they are truly the Kents, and he freely discusses both identities with them.

            It’s only after his beloved foster parents have departed, that Superman recalls a flaw in their story.  Sure enough, the next morning he receives a phone call from Cedric and Millicent Carson, who through shrewd research into Smallville town records have deduced the secret.  Superman has just confirmed their theory!  They demand five million dollars as a down-payment for their continued silence.

            In desperation, Superman fabricates a pair of Carson lookalike robots with super-hypnotic powers, and each automaton catches its opposite-sex Carson off-guard.  The result, as Superman thinks to himself:  “Thanks to my super-hypnosis, they’ll never remember having visited Clark as Mom and Dad Kent!  My Secret Identity is safe!”

End of Part Two

See you next Monday for more!

 

An Open Secret, Part 1

An Open Secret

by Mark Alfred

            In 1969, a reader wrote to DC asking for a story on the people who knew Superman’s Secret Identity.  In the letter column of Superman #219, the editors replied:  “We assume you mean those who live on Earth in the present time.  If we were to include people of other worlds, the inhabitants of Kandor, the Phantom Zone villains, people of the future, and so on, the result wouldn’t be a story, but a whole library!”

            Before riffling through a few pages of that library, let’s briefly review the reasons given by Superman for so jealously guarding his secret.

            The most commonly heard reason is, he’s protecting his family and/or associates.  Many’s the time when the Man of Steel has “regretfully” told Lois Lane that he dare not marry her, for fear that criminals would harm her to get revenge on him. 

            Frankly, I wouldn’t want to run the actuarial tables on ANY of Superman’s near-and-dear.  They’re constantly being threatened, kidnapped, and so on.  Is Lois more safe from a wrathful underworld by virtue of being only Superman’s “girl friend,” not his wife?  Doubtful.

            Another handy use for Clark Kent, the guy who is DEFINITELY NOT Superman, becomes plain when a character tells the reporter something which they wouldn’t pass along to Superman.  This is similar to the concept that there are things you’d tell your barber, but not your wife.  One example of this practice is in Action #306, when Clark feigns amnesia to uncover “The Great Superman Impersonation.”

            I have always held that the most important benefit for the Clark/Supes split is that the Daily Planet reporter may interact with people on the same human level.  Kent is allowed preferences, likes and dislikes, and leisure time; a 24-hour Superman would encounter many problems trying to express such views.  Clark can relax with his friends as peers, freed for a moment from (dare I say it?) the world’s dependence on him.

            For a well-written and absorbing look at the Secret Identity question, read the fun, in-depth “Why Superman Needs a Secret Identity,” in Action #305.  (You may read my page-by-page posting and discussion of this classic Silver Age comic book, beginning here.)

            What a secret it has been, come to think of it.  One riff on the Kryptonian ode to duality is narrated in Action Comics #371-375.  Not even Superman knows his civilian identity, after he’s been zapped by an alien computer-ray machine.  After finally latching onto his own resemblance to Clark Kent, an exposure to Bizarro Amnesium restores his memory.

            With an eye to balance silliness with existential angst, in this article we'll survey a Bizarro’s Dozen (and more!) of my favorite Secret Identity stories and situations.

 End of Part One

See you next Monday for more!