Friday, November 12, 2010

Awkward Phrasing 101

Here we have a book by Michel Flynn, In the Country of the Blind, about conspiracy theories and secret societies and attempts to influence history by identifying key events and giving them a little nudge to provide the desired outcome.

Unfortunately, this interesting idea is handled competently, and no more.  At least in my opinion.

There are a few instances when the style of writing simply reaches out of the book and slaps you in the chops, really ruining the story experience.  A novel like this wants to involve you in its tale and characters.  It's a real detriment when something criminally clumsy reminds you that this is all a book that you can put down at any time.

Here is a very laughable, and truly pathetic example.  Here we have the situation of a creepy fellow who is being held at gunpoint by an equally creepy lady.  She is his superior in one of the several secret string-pulling conspiracies featured in this book.  She is also (like the guy) twisted in a sexual manner, too.  Having caught the guy betraying the company, she holds him at gunpoint and orders him to sexually service her.

Here is the deathless prose in its context on page 330:

Just when you figure out that Kennison has an erection, and that his female boss desires to avail herself of it, we find out that he "stiffened" when she points a gun at him.  I thought he was already stiff  ?!?

And the next sentence takes you from humor to sheer disgusted mourning for the sheer dopiness.  "She UNCOCKED the gun."

Well, now that I have given you a reason not to buy this book on Amazon for a penny, I'll leave you until Monday, when we will meet "The Two Ghosts of Superman!"

1 comment:

Bunched Undies said...

LOL...horrendous dialogue. And the preceeding paragraph has some double-entendre howlers as well.

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