Every Monday we’re going to be silly. For today I’m going to look back in fondness at some of the little ditties learned in grade school.
The thunder roared, the lightning crashed, a tree fell …
and a frog got smashed.
The first line is to be declaimed dramatically, as if winding up to a grand climax, while the last line is said quietly.
One bright day in the middle of the night
Two dead men got up to fight.
Back to back they faced each other,
Drew their swords, and shot each other.
A deaf policeman heard the noise
And came and killed those two dead boys.
If you don’t believe what I say is true,
Ask the blind man -- he saw it too.
I had to hear this one a long time before finally learning the whole thing.
Branded was an NBC TV show that only ran one season, I think. Its theme was an actual song, with lyrics that included, “Branded! Marked with a coward's shame. What do you do when you're branded, Will you fight for your name?”
Of course, the grade-school version was different. All I can remember is,
Stranded! Stranded on the toilet bowl!
What will you do when your stranded,
And you don’t have a roll!
This one is a legacy from my unmatched big brother Robert:
Look up … look down … look all around.
Look at my thumb … gee, you’re dumb!
If somebody followed these directions to the end, they deserved to be called dumb!
And, from cub scouts:
Granny’s in the cellar, oh can’t you smell her?
Makin’ biscuits on a dirty stove.
In her eyes there is matter and it’s drippin’ in the batter,
And the [*snort sniff sound*] is runnin’ from her nose!
Less familiar is the male cognate:
Grandpa’s in the attic, he’s a fanatic,
Savin’ all the boogers he can pick.
He cooks ’em in a pot and he keeps ’em pipin’ hot,
And hHHe’ll [*slurp-slurp sound*] some upon a stick!
See you Monday!