Summer Job at the Coke Plant

In the summer of the year of Our Lord 1975, I was home from my first year of college.  I was one of several high-school acquaintances and compatriots to get a job at “the Coke plant,” as we called it, on Highway 75 in Bartlesville.  It was actually called “the Oklahoma Beverage Company.”

            This was in the days of returnable glass bottles.  That meant that before the bottles could be filled, they had to be sorted, washed, and inspected—then inspected once more.

            Along with fellow Spartan John Walter, I worked swing shift, 3-11PM. The process worked like this:
·         The empty glass bottles, in wooden 24-bottle crates, would arrive stacked on a wooden pallet
·         We would pull the bottles by hand from the wooden cases to make sure only the specified type of bottle would go onto the washer conveyer belt.  (They were supposed to be already sorted by other poor schmucks.)
·         We set the bottles onto the wide conveyor belt.

·         The bottles were funneled into a single row about twenty across, where each row was lifted onto a big wheel
·         The bottles were tipped mouth first into holes in the wheel

·         Water and soap, etc blasted the bottles and washed them out
·         The bottles arrived on the other side, nice and clean
·         A conveyor belt lined them up single file, where they passed in front of a human inspector
·         The inspector removed defective bottles and allowed clean ones to pass
·         The bottles were filled and a separate machine capped them

 *****

            Here are some bottles culled before washing:

            A 10-oz Coke bottle perfect in every way, except for no labelling!  It missed being painted at the factory.

            What’s wrong with these?  Why, they were intended for the Canadian market!  Note the French language on these All-American bottles.  We couldn't fill them and sell them in Oklahoma, oh no!

           Another ex-classmate, Karen Thomas, was the bottle inspector.  I am happy to reveal that, out of tens of thousands of bottles which passed her gaze that summer, she only missed a couple!

            Yes, this Mr Pibb bottle got filled and capped even though it had no painted-on labeling.

            And the pièce de résistance of my little collection is this jewel.  Yes, it was sorted (by we poor bottle sorters), washed, filled, inspected, and capped ... with a CornNuts wrapper inside!

YES, my friends, these bottles were photographed in April, 2020.  I still have 'em!

            Some other time we’ll cover some other treasures from the Coke plant. 

Speaking of Jesus Christ Superstar ...

             On Easter Sunday, April 12, NBC mounted a big, spiffy version of Jesus Christ Superstar.  It was certainly competent, but I became miffed when I noticed that some lines were changed.

            I tuned out when the Mary Magdalene character started a song which waren’t in the original 2-LP version.

            I was also disappointed with Alice Cooper’s turn as King Herod.  I certainly hoped for a little more flash and pizazz from this performer, especially paired with this song. 

            Unfortunately for you, my chillun, this got me to remembering a much more inept performance of this Rock Musical ... at least the title role!

            It was early 1975, and Clark Memorial United Methodist Church in Oklahoma City was one of the churches I visited on Sundays, about 3 miles from the beautiful campus of Oklahoma City University.

            I was a college freshman, and dropped in on meetings of their Youth Group.  Turns out they had decided to perform Jesus Christ Superstar.  Now lost to the reaches of time is ... how I ended up in the title role. Unfortunately, these six photos are all I have ... no paper program, nor names of the other participants.

            This gal was Mary Magdalene.

            This happy camper was King Herod, and mighty pleased with his royal entourage, don’t you think?

            Yours truly making a triumphal entry on Palm Sunday.

            My big solo in the Garden of Gethsemane.

            Judas (black shirt and white tie) has just delivered the fatal kiss of betrayal.

            Here cameth the forty stripes less one.

            Now, my friends, you have proof of my delusions of godhood.  I can only plead diminished capacity due to extreme youth.  The real Messiah is alive and well ... and He loves you!

            See you next Monday for some less serious silliness, as April Foolishness continues!
   

Superman Goes to Pieces!

Yes, campers, in the November 1969 issue of World’s Finest, Superman’s filleted and auctioned off, bit by bit, to the highest criminal bidder!

This dramatic cover art by Curt Swan is ein bitschen deceitful.  Actually, Batman is behind the scheme to entrap a bunch of baddies by offering piecemeal Kryptonian parts.

The splash page intimates that even Robin isn’t in on the (obvious) deceit.

So after Supes supposedly croaks, Lex Luthor opens the bidding, having stolen “the body.”



Just think about this.  What good are super-ears if your brain and nerve endings aren’t set up to decode super-hearing?  And how will super hands give super-strength, if attached to ordinary human arms?  The mind boggles at how stupid either the story writer is, or the criminals in the story.

And, a few weeks later ... I ask you:  Would super lungs in a normal human body be likely to give super-breath, or perhaps simply explode the very mortal body which housed them? -- And so on ...



You ask, what happened next?



Oh no ... go buy the comic and find out for yourself, the ending of this stupefyingly boneheaded tale.


See you next time!
  

Adventure Time Is a Long Time!

            In May 2019, I was listening to the fun and amazing soundtrack to Adventure Time.

           I was bemused when listening to Volume 3.  Why?

Check out the playing time!

That’s a long, long time, campers!

That’s 128 quadrillion, 102 million, 389 thousand, and 401 hours.

That’s 5 quadrillion, 337 million, 599 thousand, 375+ days.

That’s 14 million, 623 thousand, 560+ years.

I am thankful to report that, upon actually listening, this volume only took about 40 minutes to hear.

You’ve heard of “Hammer time”?

and “bullet time”?

They ain’t got nuthin’ on Adventure Time!

See you on Monday for our next installment of April Foolishness!

They Look Great in Profile!

Both G. Ailard S. Artain and partner in crime Gary Busey were profiled in the September 21, 1997 Tulsa World.  May you have such illustrious claims to fame!

Check back in on Thursday, meine Freunde, for the opening salvo of

2020 APRIL FOOLISHNESS!

Jetzeppa Landingear in Color!

This is a patched-together scan of a 16-by-24-inch poster printed on heavy cardboard.  I couldn't tell you how I came across it.  Probably I implored the staff at Ray's Thrift-T-Wise to give it to me after their 7-Up display was done.

Tulsa TV Memories says that this is a "Tulsa State Fair Mazeppa Poster."  Of course, that one is autographed ...

See you on Monday for the last post of this year's MARCH MAZEPPA MADNESS!

After that, of course, comes APRIL FOOLISHNESS on the Super Blog!
 

Jetzeppa Landingear Returns!

Yes, it's another silly persona adopted by G.Ailard S. Artain.  Wouldn't you love to be a Royal Undergrounder?

If anybody out there answered the call, I'd love to hear from them!

And, yes, for some reason Mazeppa loved to mispronounce the name of our fair Bartlesville as "Bart-lets-ville."  Whether he was referring to Bartlett Pears or something else ... who knows?

See you on Thursday for my full-color scan of the tiny green image above!
 

Scope Them Turkeys Out!

The Discogs listing for this silly 1970 release.

You can hear this puppy thanks to good ol' Stevo In Yr Stereo, a mutual survivor of the 1970s.

Listen for name-checks of other characters on the Uncanny Film Festival.  There might be a test!  (in another lifetime)

PS you may buy all four DVDs of The Lost Tapes of Mazeppa here!

See you on Monday, you turkeys!

Behind the Laughter is a Guy Who Needs a Shave!

This clipping is from the September 10, 1982 Tulsa World.

On Thursday, Mazeppa unleashes himself on the musical world!  (Sort of.)  See you then!
 

It Was All a Kerfuffle Over Nothing -- Honest!

Well, no assault.  But who could blame him for being a little soused ...

Now, I think you should wait until the show is over to demand payment.  But my name has never been used to promote a show!

See you back here on Monday for a look behind the laughter.
 

A Scuffle! Lawzee!

Come on back Thursday to learn the exciting dénouement of this hassle!
 

Here's the Original!

Yes, this clipping from the August 14, 1970 Tulsa World provided the "cover art" for MAR4CH MAZEPPA MADNESS.

Knowing Gailard Sartain's artistic bent, he may have created it himself.

I sure would love to hear from anybody who attended this, or any, event at which Mazeppa hisself made a personal appearance!

See you on Monday with another scraping from the Mazeppa scrapbook!
 

Welcome to MARCH MAZEPPA MADNESS -- 2020 Edition!

You may ask, whence the past and future plethora of Mazeppa-bilia?  Why, I've been clipping these treasures for decades now (with the help of the wondrous Mary Lou).

And keepin' them in this top-secret folder.

Come back on Thursday for the first taste of this year's vacuous vintage!  (And don't forget that you may check out last year's crummy crop by simply searching for topic "March Mazeppa Madness"!

See you on Thursday!
 

MA-139 - Forbidden Desires

Yes, it's another bizarre salute to Valentine's Day, full of songs in which the course of true love ne'er do run true … mainly because the love object is not exactly appropriate, even in today's wonderfully welcoming age.

01 - Strange Love - Bad Actors - 1980  (4:32)

02 - I Love You (Miss Robot) - The Buggles - 1980  (4:52)

03 - Love or Lust? - Dirty Girls - 1981  (1:32)

04 - Imaginary Doll - Jullan - 1984  (3:26)

05 - Automatic Lover - Dee D Jackson - 1977  (4:13)

06 - Nazi Love - Billy Wizard and the K-Mart Studio Orchestra - 1977  (4:18)

07 - Plastic Princess - The Wives - 1980  (3:01)

08 - Miss Clarke and the Computer - Roy Wood - 1973  (4:21)

09 - Voodoo Doll - Amelia - 1962  (2:02)

10 - I Really Want to Bomb You - Jill Kroesen - 1980  (5:37)

11 - Mechanical Friend - The Steves - 1980  (2:14)

12 - She's a Magazine - New Musik - 1980  (4:17)

13 - Little Girls - Oingo Boingo - 1981  (3:36)

14 - Mannequin - Max Strom - 1982  (3:03)

15 - Computer Love - Zapp & Roger - 1985  (4:44)

16 - Anna with Antennae - 4 Out of 5 Doctors - 1982  (3:39)

17 - Thing - The Jazz Butcher - 1987  (1:02)

18 - Light Years from Love - Martha Ladly - 1983  (3:41)

19 - Jennifer the Conifer - The Shapes - 1982  (2:46)

20 - Teenage Head in My Refrigerator - The Deep Freeze Mice - 1981  (3:38)

21 - Oral Sex with a Caterpillar - Jerry Jamrag and the Afterbirths - 1977  (1:22)

22 - Reel to Reel - Rock Fiction - 1984  (4:05)

23 - Teenage Mutant Love - High Wire Radio Choir - 1979   (2:26)

Give 'er a listen and decide for yourself!

https://www.filefactory.com/file/53u5vheog43k/MA-139.rar

We're taking the rest of February off.  See you right back here on Monday, March 2nd, for this year's installments of MARCH MAZEPPA MADNESS!

  

I'm a Marxist, Number 1

One of the happy occasions of my high-school years was my student-aide role, as a Senior at Sooner High School in Bartlesville, OK, for the wondrous teacher Della Craighead.

She knew I was a ne'er-do-well who needed something to occupy his time, so she came up with some busywork which was perfect for me.

It seemed that somebody had donated several hundred LIFE magazines from the 1930s, 1940s, and 1950s.  Mrs C assigned me to go through them and simply cut out the articles I thought were "important" in some way, and set them aside for her.

Crazy, huh?  Yeah.  Crazy because FIRST I was mutilating historical documents.  SECOND, I really had no specific guidance except for the above vague guidance.

You know how something can seem casual but pack a wallop of deeper meaning?  That is true with this "job" for Mrs C.  Thanks to her, I now have a very deep appreciation for the LIFE-magazine world and nation of that era.  I am so very thankful for this exposure to Populuxe America.

Plus, I nabbed a few items for myself!

 The above Personna razor-blade ad is from the October 4, 1946 issue of LIFE.  Note that it ties in to the then-current film A Night in Casablanca.

By the February 15, 1953 issue of LIFE, Groucho was burning up the TV waves with You Bet Your Life.  Surely everybody knows about "ghosts" in TV reception?  They were usually caused by an antenna that wasn't sufficiently aimed towards the broadcasting tower.  In this case, GE is using the term to push their "aluminized" picture tube.

You know what THAT is, don't you, campers?

Come back next Monday, February 3, for a new Valentine's day music compilation.  Until then, the Secret Word is COMPASSION.
 

Remembering Wiener King

In 1977, a guy named Don Schooler opened a franchise of the fast-food Wiener King, in Bartlesville.  I was one of the first crewmembers.  I found out about the job because Don's parents shared a back fence with us.

Their tagline was "King of Hot dogs, USA."

They had paper crowns for the kids, just like the crowns at Burger King.  Here, print your own!

My work name tag.

The building is still there, now being used as Jaron Leach's Shelter Insurance office.

I found this photo of a Wiener King in Mansfield, OH, which is a good match to what the place looked like when it opened.

For me, the most disgusting thing on the menu was a dog with cole slaw, onions, pickle relish, and CHILI also!  Yuck!  But I remember seeing Mr Schooler eat one.

And that's the summer job I had the year before we got married.

See you on Monday!