"The Final Affair" by David McDaniel

David McDaniel wrote several of the Ace U.N.C.L.E. paperbacks and was a fan not a hack. after the series' cancellations he wrote The Final Affair, his own version of the resolution of the series concepts.

It was never published, and for years/decades was a rumor and hard to find. For more info on McDaniels, here is one source: http://www.manfromuncle.org/mcdanielbystine1.htm

Now, with permission from a Cousin, here is a PDF of the text. It's been available in other places online, but sharing is good!

Here is the link: http://www.mediafire.com/?0okhzm69zywi6bs

See you next time!

A Drive-In Artifact

While going through some books to get rid of some, I came across this slip of paper, a relic of the past.  In "the good old days," there were these outdoor movies, see, and they were called "Drive-ins."

There used to be several her in OLC when we got married in the late1970s.  Here in OKC there was one on S Portland Ave close to the airport -- I remember going there once.  Now its site is occupied by a field with a couple of oil pumping stations.

There was another at S 59th St and Santa Fe Ave.  We went to see Star Trek II there when Matthew was a baby ( circa 1982-3).

The Winchester Drive-In in OKC on S Western is still in business!  Every winter when they shut down they put on their marquee:
     WHEN SPRING HAS COME
     AND FLOWERS HAVE RIZ
     THIS IS WHERE
     THE MOVIES IS
and being a fan of cheesy humor, I like that.










Anyway, here is the ticket thing:

This is on regular-weight paper, probably cut with a paper-cutter.  It was run off on a mimeograph machine (another relic of bygone days).

See you next week!

The End of the Issue

Here are the last page and inside/outside rear covers of The Adventures of Bob Hope, dated October-November, 1964.  It's one of the few comics I have in its original copy -- that is, this is the one from my childhood, as opposed to most of the other 2000+ that I have re-acquired copies of.

I think I read somewhere that the toy soldiers were three-dimensional, but not actually fully rounded.  They were VERY FLATTENED to save plastic.  They kind of looked like soldiers from Flatland.  And, of course, the "footlocker" was thin cardboard.

You can't really read the signature on the He-Man book, but it ain't "Charles Atlas."  Also notice the Mercury dime.  That hsn't been minted since the FDR dime came into circulation in 1946!  Of course, also notice that the tagline at the top of the ad, "Brother, can you spare a dime," comes from the lyrics of a 1931 song of that title.

I never sent in to sell greeting cards, either.  And that's for the best.  The company's procedure was to send you a few boxes that you had to pay for.  It was up to YOU to sell them to somebody else!  Wimp that I was, I would end up with those boxes of cards sitting on a closet shelf for twenty years before I got up the nerve to try to push them off on somebody.

Of course, if the grown-ups I knew were as friendly-looking as the ones shown in the ad, I might have made some BIG BUCKS.

See you next week!

(And check out the new link for the CBS Mystery Theatre to the right.)

   

End Matters

These are the next three pages from The Adventures of Bob Hope #89.

 Interesting that DC found it hard to fill even a half-page with letters to Bob.  Instead they dragged some chestnuts out of some old edition of Cap'n Billy's Whiz Bang.

If only the reality could match the thrilling art in these battle scenes!

See you at the end of the week for a wrap-up.

Finding the Treasure

Bob, in his quest to find the treasure whose map is hidden inside the Golden Gazelle, has traveled back in time and agreed to battle Roman General Octavian in order to cover Cleopatra's escape with Mark Anthony.  In return, Cleo showed Bob that the treasure is buried at the Temple of Osiris.  If only Bob and Harvard (his dog) can survive the battle.

But don't worry -- Bob and Harvard have a supply of Nile Blue Cheese -- whose odoriferous properties carry the day!

One of my favorite comics panels of all time is the top one on this page, where the big lug says, "You slay me and then I'll slay you."  Kind of like heads I win, tails you lose!

Note Harvard's use of the term "chemical warfare," and the last panel on the page, where the term "fall out" is used for yuks.

The only thing left to do is return home to 1964, since they now know where the treasure is buried.  But first, some cheese sandwiches!

Well, here they are at the Temple, but *gasp* it's under "10 billion tons" of water!  And for the Pièce de résistance, check out the statues.

The BAD NEWS:  Here in the present century, they can't get the treasure because it is Egyptian government property now.

ONE THE OTHER HAND:  It seems that Cleopatra found a way of thanking Bob and Harvard for their heroics!  Plus, ol' Cleo correctly divined the TRUE NATURE of Bob and Harvard's relationship, too!

Voice trained, indeed!  This last joke harks back to the opening scene of the story, when Harvard was helping Bob win that chess match by giving instructions through an earpiece.

As my sainted high-school English Lit teacher Della Craighead used to say, this story comes "circle full round."

See you in a few days to wrap up this issue.

Cheese It, the Romans!

With Harvard's urging, "Mastah Hope" is negotiating with Cleopatra to discover the Golden Gazelle.  But then, NUTS to that.  What they are really after is the treasure map INSIDE the Gazelle.  So, if Cleo wants Bob to run interference for her and Mark Anthony against the Roman Emperor Octavian, she must tell Bob what's inside the statue.

At last we know!  The map is to Cleo's dad's greatest treasure, buried between two great statues at the Temple of Osiris.  In real life, this structure is at Abydos.

(Cleo's dad was Ptolemy XII Auletes -- once again, IRL.)

So, now Bob knows the location of the treaure.  If only he can live to dig it up!

So here he is on one of Cleopatra's war ships.  Only problem is, Cleo wouldn't give him any oarsmen!  It's just Bob and the faithful Harvard Harvard III.

They are sighted by Octavian, but how much of a threat can one ship, with only a single catapult, be?  Let's find out ...

INCOMING! *squoosh*

Perhaps this is the inspiration for Lynyrd Skynyrd's song, "That Smell"  (or perhaps not).  Anyway, how fair is Bob's tactic, sending over Nile Blue Cheese on the catapult?  At least he wasn't hitting below the belt, just striking at the nose.

Aroma-Side!

See you at the end of the week for another scent-imental instalment!

Everybody Loves Bob, Especially Cleopatra!

Bob Hope and his genius dog-sidekick, Harvard Harvard III (the Third), have been taking increasingly HUGE jumps backwards in time in their quest for the elusize Golden Gazelle.

Since we've already seen the HOW ofr their arrival -- falling out of the sky -- we can now start this section of the tale in medias res -- Google that term -- with Cleopatra and Mark Anthony.  These two lovebirds (or felons if you wish) must escape from Roman general Octavius, if only they can find somebody stupid enough to act as a decoy and lure Octavius away...

BING!  You asked for a stupe?  Right on time!  With his little dog, too!

(Notice how subtly we get to see Marlon Brando's fizzog as Mark Anthony in the last panel.)

When a femme fatale starts wending her magical way around some dumb lummox's earlobes, I always wonder why the gal's guy (watching behind the curtains) doesn't figure out that he, the peeking partner, is just as 'whipped (pardon my French) as the poor schmuck she's kissing now.

On this last page, here's a great argument for having a dog.  He won't fall for feminine wiles of the two-legged kind.  Here Harvard is trying to keep "Mastah Hope" on track in asking about the Golden Gazelle, but Bob is off in Dreamland, imagining a Sphinx with his schnozz. 

Is there enough granite in Egypt for that?

Find out next Monday or Tuesday!

Ve Didn't Know Der Sockses (und Der Clockses) Vas Loaded!

To prove he's not an English spy, Bob Hope, Time-Traveller, has agreed to help General George Washington in his sneak attack on the Prussian camp December 26, 1776.

Since there was already a Santa Claus onsite, he pulled his fake beard over his head to become - voila! - MISSUS Santa Claus, the better to deliver Washington's booby-trapped cuckoo clock.

But then the Prussian Santa wants to get frisky!

After a little bait-and-box, Bob and Harvard get out of there, just in time.

And THEN they find out that the oarsman who pulled them out of the Potomac is the elusive Nigel Wednesday.  Of course he doesn't have the Golden Gazelle, this story's MacGuffin, in his backpack; he left it at home.

So how a lowly American Revolutionary War soldier came across a treasure from Cleopatra, we don't know.  But instead of investigating the discovery of cottage cheese, it's off to Actium in 31 BC.

See you at week's end for our next leap backwards in time.

That Sneaky George Washington!

Our hero Bob Hope, in his quest to find the Golden Gazelle, has gone back in time to December 26, 1776, because one of George Washington's men is Nigel Wednesday, its last known possessor.

Having arrived by falling into the Potomac, they must convince General Washington that they aren't Prussian spies.  So, they undertake a little mission . . .

Don't ask (or tell) if 18th-century tenchnology could contrive a time bomb that would fit into a leetle-bitty old alarm clock.  We'll just handwave it and blame it on the Steampunkers.

Problem is, there's already a Santa in the Hessian camp!  So, it's off to the gender-bender closet, and voila! Instant MISSUS SANTA CLAUS.

The only problem with that is, MISTER Claus wants to get a little frisky.  Time for Rocky and Bullwinkle to save the day!

Oops, that was a commercial.  Anyway, we'll see the next page or three Monday or Tuesday.  Until then, Bob must endure Santa's schnapps breath!

Money-Saving for British Spies -- hmmm?

The next page in The Adventures of Bob Hope #89 contains two ads.  The top ad is for the entertainment venue made immortal by songwriter (and Gong Show Guru) Chuck Barris and singer Freddy "Boom Boom" Cannon, the eponymous "Palisades Park."  I sure wish somebody could tell me what the "Crazy Crystals" ride was all about!  As a kid from Oklahoma, I never made it farther east than Chicago.  Also, that's a processed version of a Wayne Boring Superman at the top left of the ad.

The bottom half of the page is DC's standard-at-the-time subscription ad.  If you subscribed to a year's worth, you got ten 12-cent comics for $1.  That's a fine deal, but I always bought MY comics from a greasy guy in an alley.  Not really, it was the local grocery store.

With Part Three of our silly story, "A Comedy of Eras," Bob and his smart pooch Harvard Harvard III have gone even FURTHER back in time in search of the Golden Gazelle, all the way to George Washington's famous sneak attack across the Delaware on December 26, 1776.

The first problem is in the way they arrive, dropping from the sky like the murdered skydiver in last night's CSI: Miami.  Good news?  They land in water.  Bad news?  It's December water.  Also,  our well-intentioned loudmouth (Bob Hope, not your humble blogger) starts shouting so loud that General Washington immediately decides that they must be British spies.

More of Part 3, "A Ridiculous St Nick-ulous," in a few days.

Part Two Begins!

...And it's called "Aviator Bob, the Chicken Eagle."

At the end of Part 1, Bob "lovable doofus" Hope had agreed to find the missing "Golden Gazelle," a statue inherited by the gorgeous Tuesday Wednesday.  Using his friend Professor Blinkly's time Machine, he has gone back in time to talk to the Gazelle's last known owner, Tuesday's grandfather -- in the middle of World War I!

After Bob faints in the gunner's seat, his lovable (and smarter) canine sidekick, Harvard Harvard III, takes over the guns and sends the three opposing Spads (or Fokkers maybe?) into twin tailspins.

But now comes the Main Event -- Baron von Fluglemop himself!  This can't be good -- not when Fluglemop's eyepatch bears a Maltese Cross.  Can't you just imagine him talking like Baron Otto Matic from the Tom Slick cartoons?

Well, evidently Bob isn't the only fighter in this match with a ringer.  The Baron has his own gunner, Herman the "German police dog"!  And boy, can he gun!

Bob's pilot, Tuesday Wednesday's grandfather, bails out after the engine is hit.  Bob and Harvard prepare to do the same, asking Grandpapa about the Gazelle.

His reponse will send them back into earlier time, for the Gazelle, Captain Wednesday tells them, previously belonged to Nigel Wednesday, who crossed the Delaware with George Washington.

Awful handy, that portable time controller.  December 26, 1776, here they go!

Filler Can Be Fun

Here are the two pages between parts one and two of Bob Hope's mag-length adventure.

Nowadays, the joke for "Homer" might be that the car wash guy charged $60 to DETAIL his Matchbox Car.

Also, consider this fact:  Silly Putty will take up comics in full color a let better if the comics are on a page, not on a computer monitor!

As far as Lucky Charms goes, I think it noteworthy to state that here, there are only FOUR shapes of marshmallow bits, and they are all in only ONE color each, with no swrils or striping going on.  In other words, these are Lucky Charms 1.0, before color augmentation and shape inflation.

Now that you think of it, doesn't this little guy seem awfully self-centered?  I mean, running around all day saying how lucky it would be to meet him.  Sounds a little needy to me!

Maybe he and these kids have an unwritten behavioral contract going on here -- a little sub-rosa tit-for-tat?  He's payng them off (in Lucky Charms) to validate his inflated notions of self-worth?  Break into groups and discuss.

See you Monday with the continuation of Bob Hope's "Comedy of Eras!"

Into the Wild Blue -- ULP!!

Bob and his smart pooch have made it back to June, 1916.  Now they have to figure out how to rendeszvous with Captain Wednesday, Tuesday's grandfather, and solve the secret of the Golden Gazelle.

What a happy coincidence that the guy Bob landed on top of on the previous page was Joe, Wednesday's mechanic.  Now Bob has an excuse to ride along!  The crack about drinking the hair tonic refers to the fact that when this comic came out, alcohol was a prime ingredient in "greasy kid stuff" used to slick back men's hair.

Baron Von Flugelmop?  Sounds almost as dangerous as the Red Baron!

And so, as Bob swoons, Harvard Harvard III decide to make it a REAL dog fight (get it?)!

But first, a page or two from our sponsors ...

By the way, do YOU remember the little melody that goes with the caption of the Tootsie Roll ad at the bottom of the page?  "Long time, long time!  chewy chewy Tootsie Roll lasts a long time!!

 -- see you next time.

We Gotta Get Back in Time!

 Tasked with the task of finding the Golden Gazelle with the hidden treasure map inside, our hero comes up with a plan.  A plan which is actually pretty logical, if you think about it.  Since he knows a way to time-travel, he can find the gazelle by tracing it forward from a time when its whereabouts were known.

My question is, how was Miss Tuesday Wednesday able to so easily rattle off an exact date and time for her grandfather?  I guess it was a date sacred to their family.

I don't know the name of this Professor; he may be a recurring character from earlier issues of Bob Hope. But, he recognizes Bob and Harvard. And he sends them on their way, complete with a pocket-sized remote control so that they can bop around to other times if they wish.

Next time we will see what "appropriate clothes" Harvard will help Bob find.

As Our Story Begins ...

Here's the splash page for Adventures of Bob Hope #89.  Its issue-length story would have been called "a great three-part novel" in one of the Superman titles. 

The splash page does show a girl who looks like the heroine of the story, and it does show Bob in a not-quite contemporary (to 1964) scene, but it's not really a scene that shows "what the story is about" -- which is one of those "madcap" Hopian adventures, which happens to also range across time!

Perhaps because of the (perceived) brief attention span of comics readers, this story is jam-packed with one-liners and ironic asides, much in the style of MAD magazine.  And to THIS incurable smart-aleck, that's a good thing!

On our first page we're introduced to our hero and his dog.  Since this is the only issue of the comic that I own (or remember having read), I do not know the history or provenance of Bob's dog, Harvard Harvard III.  Evidently the relationship between Bob and Harvard is a bit similar to Sherman and Mr Peabody, from the "Peabody's Improbable History" segments of Rocky and Bullwinkle.  The pet is smarter than his master, but also needs his master to get along in two-legged society.

Here we have Harvard giving Bob earphone instructions on winning a chess game.

This scene is also a sideswipe at the stereotype of the studied, serious-genius Soviet Chess Master trope.

By page two of the story we are introduced to our damsel in distress, Tuesday Wednesday, who is a riff on Tuesday Weld.  Compare Tuesday Wednesday to the real deal:

GRRR! ruff-raff! pant-pant!

*ahem*

Miss Wednesday's Golden Gazelle, with its "prize in the box" of a map to treasures untold, is probably a plot device borrowed from The Maltese Falcon, whose epononymous critter supposedly contained Templar jewels.

My eight-year-old mind was also captivated by the "boysenberry-girlsenberry-DOGsenberry" gag.

And look at the "filler" art going on in the background.  This place may be next-door to Spike Jones's "secluded rendezvous" heard in Jones's "Cocktails for Two."

How will Bob help Tuesday Wednesday seek the missing Golden Gazelle?  Tune in next week to find out!

Visit the New Year with Bob Hope!

We're going to start out this new year of 2012 by reading through issue #89 of DC's The Adventures of Bob Hope, cover-dated November 1964.  (According to the indicia inside, it is REALLY the Oct-Nov issue, which explains why I found some online sources naming this the OCTOBER issue.)

Just the covers now, and more when I get some sleep, in a few days.

The ol' online sources, including the DC WIKI, are of mixed results concerning the art.  But I tend to agree that the cover artist is probably Mort Drucker, of MAD magazine fame.  I mean, who else would have rendered that Roman guard's schnozzola and moustaches quite THAT way?

And as for the Public Service Announcement inside the front cover, I must agree with its sentiments.  To be more precise, smoking is for Losers That Smell.  Whilst I appreciate the tortures of hell that result with trying to break the addiction, I also hope that such well-intentioned ads as this made it through to at least a few guys in 1964, and perhaps they never started.

It's never too late to quit smoking!  Anything you can do to cut down, even, can help you!

Happy New Year!

The Gift of Memories

More musical memories of a tail-end Baby Boomer. Here are the songs:

1969

1 Give Peace A Chance John Lennon & the Plastic Ono Band
2 Cinnamon Girl Neil Young with Crazy Horse

1970

3 Without You Badfinger
4 Make Me Smile (single version) Chicago
5 Lucky Man Emerson, Lake & Palmer
6 Let It Rain Eric Clapton
7 Temma Harbour Mary Hopkin
8 Another Day Paul McCartney

1971

9 Free Chicago
10 Vincent Don McLean
11 I Just Want to Celebrate Rare Earth
12 Tongue In Cheek (single version) Sugarloaf

1972

13 From the Beginning Emerson, Lake & Palmer
14 Day by Day Godspell Cast; Robin Lamont
15 You Turn Me On, I'm a Radio Joni Mitchell

16 Young Americans David Bowie 1975

17 Falling Star Karla Bonoff 1977
18 Peek-A-Boo! Devo 1982
19 Hold On Santana 1982
20 Goodbye To You Scandal 1982
21 On the Dark Side John Cafferty and the Beaver Brown Band 1983

And here is the link: http://www.megaupload.com/?d=7FEFG7D5

Merry Christmas!

See You January Second

Taking a week and a bit off.  See you the first week of January!

Merry Christmas.

The Banana Man!

This is a guy I remember seeing on Captain Kangaroo.  Talk about Dare to Be Silly! Isn’t this a GREAT piece of fun and entertainment?!?!?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yfJqLKM3dtw&feature=related

This clip is hosted by the 1970s Bob Keeshan.  But The Banana Man was around in the earlier incarnations in the 1960s also.

It turns out that the man I saw on Captain Kangaroo in the 1960s was NOT the original Banana Man.  According to one source, “The Banana Man was an American vaudeville character originally created by Adolph Proper (c. 1886--December 17, 1950), who used A. Robins as his stage name. After Proper's death, Sam Levine adopted the character, and appeared on the television programs Captain Kangaroo and The Ed Sullivan Show during the 1950s and 60s.”

Here is some footage of Adolphe Proper, who became the original Banana Man under the stage name of A Robins, from a 1939 Red Skelton short called Seeing Red.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KpVkRu0QkE8

Interestingly, this 1939 calls the character a “walking music shop.”  No bananas to be seen.  Also, the nestled boxes ascend to a Tower-of-Babel configuration at the end, not set into a train line.

There is also a brief inclusion of The Banana Man in the 1947 Betty Grable film, Mother Wore Tights.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8d8mQaNOZZo&feature=related

In this short clip, you can hear the “lee-dee-dee” singing and the “WOOWWWWW” that you also hear in the Captain Kangaroo clip.  After showing the CK clip to my kids, they NOW understand why they’ve heard me say that falsetto “WOOWWW” all of THEIR lives.

As a late-blooming Baby Boomer, it is perhaps symptomatic that MY memories of The Banana Man are of a second-generation guy on Captain Kangaroo.  But ANY Banana Man is a wonder.  The softest spot in my heart is for the version exemplified on CK, who may have been played by Sam Levine.

For some more info on THE BANANA MAN, there is at least one website out there that you can scrounge, http://facweb.furman.edu/~rbryson/BananaMan/index.html

See you next week!

WO-O-O-WWW!

MA-42 - Happy Christmas Time

Here is a collection I’ve made of Christmas music from many different sources, from lounge to very traditional, from instrumentals to very important lyrics.

In Track 6, “Happy Birthday Jesus,” my friends Tim and Miranda, that that time known as Sparklepop, present a sadly true and cogent look at some of the same topics raised by Charlie Brown’s “commercial dog.”  They reappear under a more recent name as Seranova, for Track 24, a great version of a song from “Charlie Brown Christmas.”

On Track 17, VM of the Beatles Remixers Group overlays a chant from one of the Beatles Fan Club’s Christmas releases with “Flying” from Magical Mystery Tour, with the result being a fun (though not profound) new Christmas ditty.

Lots of retro, punchy fun comes along in Tracks 7, 13, and 15.

Once based out of Nashville, Fleming and John work their special magic on Track 19, an Elseworlds version of “Winter Wonderland.”

Track 25 is a great piece from Joan Baez’s 1960s album Noel, with instrumentation and arrangements by Peter Schickele of PDQ Bach fame.  The entire album is a moving assemblage of music.

Track 26, from “A Charlie Brown Christmas,” just wouldn’t be the same without that shouted “Merry Christmas, Charlie Brown!”  -- so I inserted that but from the TV special into the song.

I tried to put together a mix of fast and slow, of reverent and joyous.  The collection is bookended by a rousing “Hark the Herald” and a stilling “Silent Night” from an wonderful album by Eugene Ormandy and the Philadelphia Orchestra.

As I get ready for the arrival of Jesus’ birthday, I’m always struck by a combination of emotions.  On one side is thankful humility:  God loves me so much that he sent his Son to show that love!  On the other side is sorrow and shame, to realize the sacrifice that my sinful nature requires for expiation.

Join me in being thoughtful and thankful!

Here are the songs:

01. The Philadelphia Orchestra - Hark! the Herald Angels Sing (3:10)

02. The O.C. Supertones - Joy to the World (2:41)

03. Martin Denny - Exotic Night (2:16)

04. Georgia Kelly - Little Drummer Boy (4:22)

05. Chris Willis - Sweet Little Jesus Boy (4:00)

06. Sparklepop - Happy Birthday Jesus (3:37)

07. Capitol Studio Orchestra - Cha-Cha All the Way (2:19)

08. Teja Bell - Carol of the Bells (3:49)

09. Joan Baez - O Come, O Come, Emmanuel (2:58)

10. Sarah Masen - Heaven's Got a Baby (4:17)

11. The Philadelphia Orchestra - Away in a Manger (2:26)

12. Erin O'Donnell - I Need Christmas (3:49)

13. Claymation Christmas Celebration - We Three Kings Bop (2:50)

14. Elvis Presley - Here Comes Santa Claus (1:57)

15. Johnny Mercer - Jingle Bells (2:36)

16. Twila Paris - Silent Night (4:25)

17. The Beatles (VM) - Christmas Time Is Here Again (2:03)

18. The Drifters - White Christmas (2:38)

19. Fleming and John - Winter Wonderland (3:40)

20. Billy May - Rudolph, the Red-Nosed Reindeer Mambo (2:38)

21. Xmas! The Beatmas - Rockin' Around the Christmas Tree (2:31)

22. Five Iron Frenzy - You Gotta Get Up (2:27)

23. A Charlie Brown Christmas - Hark, the Herald Angels Sing (1:55)

24. Seranova - Christmastime Is Here (3:16)

25. Joan Baez - I Wonder as I Wander (3:53)

26. The Philadelphia Orchestra - Silent Night, Holy Night (3:16)

Here is the link:           http://www.megaupload.com/?d=5ZG5LSY7 

And Track 22 is ONE OF MY FAVORITES!!!